It was like I was reliving the same scene from a year earlier.
(See mirror blog from when I left here.)
Tears streaming down my face.
Scared of what was ahead.
Unsure of what that even was.
Hesitant to let go.
Heart ripping to pieces.
Yet fully aware that it was time to let go.
But just like on the day I left for the World Race, when I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my body, here I was feeling the exact same way. Except those friends and family I'd cried for when I'd left weren't here this time… Who would have thought I'd fall in love with my squad?
Not me. (And we'd all say the same thing, promise.)
But I guess after 329 days, you kind of get attached.
But here we (almost) all were, the last day of Project Searchlight*, the last session. I’d walked over to the other side of the little church auditorium in the backwoods of Georgia to pray over one of the men from my squad.
My heart was breaking for him and his hurts.
But then in the midst of praying for him, Melissa (from my squad) started praying over me and for me. And then the already flowing stream of tears became uncontrollable sobs. As I sat on the floor swallowed up in her loving arms, I never wanted her to let go, because I knew when she did it was all over.
This year. The Race. This season. This family.
All of it would be gone and it would never be the same again.
My heart was breaking once more, just this time because I was leaving the people who had become my family instead of those who already were.
Oh, E squad how you captured my heart
in unexpected ways.
Final Debrief in India
But just as when I’d left for The World Race, I knew what had to be done. I knew the soft whisper of the Lord pushing me forward, asking me to let go, and laying out a path for me to follow.
Months before, I’d heard that whisper answer my plea for where to go once my days as a Racer were over. And He said,
“It’s time to go home.”
Yet, for a year, home had become wherever my squad was, wherever my backpack landed, and wherever my bed happened to be that month. I didn’t know where home was anymore, really. Home had become my squad and this crazy World Race lifestyle.
But over the last months of the Race or rather days of The Race, where God was asking me to go become crystal clear, and even though it brought me joy to think of where I was going, it still broke my heart to say goodbye once again to my family.
But it had to be done, even though all I wanted to do was hold on and never let go.
Eventually I did let go of Melissa and the peace of the Lord rested on me, because even though my heart was shattered, He comforted me. And the words Melissa had prayed over me still rung in my ears.
"You are the woman you want to be."
Slowly the session ended, charges were given. You know, it's time to go bring some Kingdom and all that WR cray cray lingo we use (and I love). Then, I said goodbye once again, got on one last plane in my World Race journey, and came….
Home.
To be continued in Part 2 (With all those fun details about what I'm doing with my Post- World Race life)
Photos courtesy of Bethany Bernard, Christiana Gunn, & Justin Marshall. All photos were taken at Project Searchlight in GA in early January of 2013 with the exception of the squad photo which was at our Final Debrief in India, December 2012.
