A few nights ago I had my first attempt at packing for this crazy year to come… it didn't go well and as I suspected, its going to take me until I leave next week to figure out what's actually going to make the cut.
Goodness, I wish this was going to be easy and I'm not just talking about packing.
The saying goodbye.
The last hugs.
The "see you laters."
The many thank yous.
The getting all my bills paid (Seriously God, I'm requesting a miracle to help make this one happen since Satan is working overtime to keep me here)
The last minute details.
The transition into the next season of my life.
Leaving the church I love and believe in.
Leaving my family.
Leaving the students I've loved on over the past four years.
Leaving the best friends a person could have.
Leaving the wonderful families that have taken care of me over the past 4 1/2 years.
Leaving the people who stood by me when I was at the lowest point of my entire life.
Leaving the life I love right where I am.
The tears.
The sacrifice.
The growth.
The change.
My heart hurts already thinking about the next few days and all the people I'll be leaving, but my heart would hurt more if I dared to tell God, "no, I won't go. You picked me, but I refuse."
But I don't think there is anything easy about changing every single thing about your life. There is nothing easy about leaving part of your heart behind even though you keep moving. And well there is nothing easy about following God.
I don't say this to discourage, I say it to be honest.
Following God means laying down everything you thought was "right" for everything He says is right. It means laying down your will for His. And I don't think there is anything easy about either one of those either.
But what I do know, is that His will is always better. No matter what.
So even though this isn't easy, it's not suppose to be. The best things in life are often the hardest and that's just how things go for some reason. But with God, who can stand against me? No one and nothing.
So why hold back, why stop now?
This is God's will and this is where He wants me. This is the story I have to tell. This is the life He's given me to live and I won't back down.
I'm all in, literally, and that's the only way it can be.
