“I am going to awaken something new in you” He told me!
A few days ago, I was in worship and we were singing a song that talked about going out into the waves. Too often in my past I have sang words like this without really stopping and counting the cost of what this could mean. Too many times I have blindly made promises and then down the road cried out in frustration that I was being challenged in a way that I didn’t want, not anymore.
As I stood and saw these words go across the screen, I stopped and I had a conversation. Jesus, do I actually want to go there? Do I actually want to willingly step into a scary situation where the waves and winds could overtake me? As I stood and considered, I decided, Jesus, if I can see you and feel you and hear you, yes I will go.
I paused and heard His gentle but powerful voice say, “But what if you can’t touch me, will you still go?” I thought about it and said, yes, if I can still see you and hear, that’s enough. His response was “But what if you can’t see me?” Again I responded by saying if I can only hear your voice, then yes I will still go. But once more He said to me, “But what if I call you to a place where you can’t hear me either, would you still go?”.
I paused, a little confused, not ready to answer quite yet. Why would I want to go someplace where I get none of Him? I stood there becoming terrified of what He might be asking me to do, of where He was asking me to go.
I cried and knew; He wanted me to trust Him. To trust that He will never leave me nor forsake me even when I see no evidence. To trust that He loves me enough that if He calls me to a scary place, He has a purpose and a promise to prosper me, to give me a hope and future.
I knew it was up to me. I could say “no” and He would love me the same, but I also knew that I wanted to be a person who is brave, who tasks risks, who jumps out of the boat and gets to witness the impossible.
With my heart beating rapidly in my chest, I said yes, I’ll go, I’ll trust.
Jesus was clearly awakening some new things in me, but this awakening is only half of the matter.
Sometimes I look at my soul like a garden, Jesus as the Gardener. He awakens, or plants new things in my garden and it’s beautiful and fruitful. But then there is also a time for weeding, for recognizing the areas that have been neglected, seeing the bad things that have grown, pulling them out, killing them.
Jesus showed me that my next step was this “weeding out” process, weeds that I didn’t really even know were there.
He showed me some fears that were attacking the courage He was planting. He showed me some insecurities and pride that were choking out the identity that was set in Him. He showed me the entitlement and selfishness that was killing humility and servanthood that He was trying to grow. I had some pretty nasty weeds that needed to be ripped out.
Without feelings of shame or condemnation, I felt the Lord’s kindness draw me to repentance. He worked so hard on this garden of mine and I had stopped asking Him to help me clean it out. Laziness is all it really takes for these destructive weeds to come in.
I repented of all of it. I saw the weight of these things and how they affected me and the people around me, the people that He has entrusted me with.
He then asked me to go a step further. He asked me to make a proclamation and outwardly show what was happening inwardly. He asked me to repent of these things to the body and to be baptized.
I’ll be honest, I really didn’t want to do this so publicly. But I knew the work that was already happening in my soul. Pride and fear were getting pulled out and I already decided that I’m going to say “yes” to the things He asks me to do no matter what they are, so I did the thing.
I got baptized AGAIN as a symbol of repentance and a commitment to follow Jesus wherever He takes me because it’s worth it, He is worth it.
How can you help? With that being said, I am still a full time missionary and I am still working to raise my support. I need to raise $1170/month. I am currently at $410/month. So I still need to raise $760/month. Any amount helps. To support me you can:
Give online: https://www.adventures.org/give/donate.asp?giveto=worldrace&desc=Beka%20Hardy
Give monthly donations: http://adventures.org/dynapay/
Give By Check: write a check to Adventures in Missions, put my name in the memo line and send it to
Adventures in Missions
P.O. Box 742570
Atlanta, GA 30374-2570
