Exactly six months ago during month 3 of the World Race, I was diagnosed with Guillain-Barre Syndrome. This is a rare disease (1 in 100,000 people get this) where my immune system attacked my nervous system leaving me unable to walk and unable to correctly feel my nerves. I was diagnosed quickly and was able to undergo treatment, which the Lord used to heal me miraculously making me able to walk in 4 days.
The Lord taught me so much during this time, He broke me, and He allowed me to see hard things in that hospital, but most importantly, He showed me how much He loved me.
Dealing with the things I saw, including the deaths of multiple people was probably the most difficult thing for me! I had to learn to mourn these lives and to worship God in the midst! I had to trust that every second that I was in that hospital, His loving presence was enveloping me! And that the tears I shed were not shed alone, He hurt for those people and He hurt for me.
Even with everything I learned, I was living in fear of a few things. I had a fear of relapse, which only occurs in about 1-5% of patients with GBS and I had a fear of hospitals in general. And then it happened; I was faced with my biggest fears!
About a week ago I was hit with the same symptoms that I had six months ago! Seriously, is this really happening again? This doesn't happen! The chances are literally 1 in 1,000,000! A week before this, I ran a 10k and now I can hardly walk! I was diagnosed with a relapse of GBS and I am now being treated in the middle of Africa!
One of my first thoughts was what didn’t I learn the first time? What huge lesson did I miss that I have to experience this again? But Jesus spoke pretty loud and clear to this! He is absolutely in love with me and even though I am learning things through this, He is not punishing me; He is freeing me!
I placed these fears on myself and with these I was giving Satan a hold on me! Jesus is so loving that He brought me to the very place I feared the most and guess what, it’s not that bad! He is here, everywhere! He is in my amazing squad leaders who have been with me getting me food, praying with me, and making me laugh when the tears have come! He is in my squad mates who have visited me and wrote me notes and even slept on this hospital floor beside me! He is with me, speaking to me constantly!
I was brought here to be set free!
Before I got sick again, I asked the Lord what He wanted for me for these last 3 months of the Race. He told me that He wanted intimacy with me! He wanted me to come to Him and just talk! I told Him, but what do you want me to learn? And He said just talk to me, I’ll show you! Just talk to me!
A big thing about not being able to walk very easily is that sitting and hanging out with Jesus has become a huge part of my everyday life! I don’t just go through my prayer list and ask Him for things! I literally just talk to Him! I tell Him what’s going on! I tell Him the stuff that hurts and I tell Him about the embarrassing things I do by accident that I know only He saw and we laugh about it! I love this relationship that we have and I am so excited about it growing deeper!
The Lord is incredible! I am learning so much more than I can even write about right now! I am overwhelmed by His goodness and I am overwhelmed by how hard He fights for me!
Exodus 14:14, “The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”
