February 6,
I am in Nicaragua!
We have been doing something called a “Debrief”. All of the small teams (about 50 some people) have been spending this week together in Granada, Nicaragua with out Squad Leaders, Squad Coaches and other AIM staff that flew in specifically for this time.
This time has been for restoration and rejuvenation! I can’t believe how much this was needed. This week has been so great, these people have just poured into our lives and helped pick us up and prepare us for the next month!
God has been using this time for us to all heal too from past hurts! When we had our first session at the beginning of the week, I couldn’t believe what they were asking! They told us they wanted us to get up and in front of everyone, and share our deepest darkest secret! They wanted to create a safe place among the squad and to have our chains be broken!
And that was exactly what happened! One after one stood up and through many tears and pain, shared with everyone the very thing they wish that no one would ever know! Some hurts done to them and some pain they had brought on themselves.
Hearing peoples story completely amazed me! What could I say to ever compare? I had a great childhood, and God has blessed me so much that I was able to stay out of trouble for the most part! What was I supposed to share?
God brought to mind the pain I had from the voice He gave me! After a few years of speech classes, I still have trouble with my pronunciation of words and just speaking in general!
I remember the first time I was made fun of because of the way I spoke and how insecure I became of speaking. I realized had the enemy had used this to try to steal my voice! I remember absolutely hating to read in school and crying to God to heal my voice and He never would! I was mad at Him!
I would think of the story of Moses and be discouraged not encouraged because God never fixed his voice, but made him use it! I am realizing now how encouraging that is, that despite his voice, God strongly used him!
After discussing this with one of my beautiful Squad Leaders, Vanessa, she encouraged me to go back to the place where I remember first being made fun of and spend time with Jesus there. I could easily think of the place and I did not want to go back there but I did. As I felt the pain all over again, I saw my Lord hurting too! He was right there all the time.
He was in pain too! He id my dad and I am His daughter and when I hurt, so does He! It helped me so much to see not only was He there, but He was sad for me! The anger I was had for Him was gone and I feel the healing process can begin.
I realize I need to forgive those that hurt me and recognize that every time I feel hesitation towards speaking, it is coming from the enemy. No longer will I allow him to steal my voice! My chains have been broken!
