The journey is finally happening.
This season of leaving well has given me a spirit of gratitude. I love that despite how busy my life has been this year, I finally have time to spend quality time with people I love. Things that I thought were dead in my life have come to life through Jesus, the author and finisher of my faith. I’ve been thinking and praying about this mission trip relentlessly for six months now. And now, I leave for launch tomorrow. Thank you, Jesus. The more times I write His name, the more I feel at peace. I have been so overwhelmed the past few weeks, that a part of me has felt numb, which isn’t like me. I’m generally very outgoing and bubbly, but I also have a part of me that’s more mysterious and quiet too. I haven’t been spending as much time in the Word that I know I should be. I haven’t asked and trusted in the Lord to provide for me as I should. My heart feels tired. All this talk about fundraising and packing and constantly surrounding myself with people has got me worn out & I’m still in my comfortable America. I know that these feelings of exhaustion are only the beginning, but I am so at peace about leaving because I’m not doing this for me, I’m doing this for the kingdom. This morning, I made myself a small cup of coffee, curled into my parent’s sunroom and spent some time with Jesus. These are the mornings where my hope is restored, where He reminds me of who I am when I forget. When I feel so lost and unsure, He fills my heart with strength and peace. Where He reminds me that the best is yet to come.
In the book of Matthew 11:28-29, Jesus says, “Come to me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in your heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”
So I urge you brothers and sisters, hold on to Jesus. Seek first the kingdom of God and everything else will fall into place. He longs for us to spend time with Him, to embrace the lifestyle of loving and following in His footsteps and ultimately, to take care of us. I’m currently sitting at $8800, which means that I am still pretty far behind being fully funded. I just found out that I got a speeding ticket in Oregon two days before I left. I took my sweet little grandma to the hospital the day after her birthday last week because she wasn’t feeling well (she’s better now). Every time I look at my bank account, I cringe a little inside. But none of this is worth stressing over, because I have Jesus, He’s alive in me and I know that His plan is going to be far better than the plans I have. He takes care of His children, even if the definition of care looks different than my own. I’m learning to give it all to Him. The Lord has blessed me with gifts and I want to use those gifts for His glory. (P.S. I’ve come to my senses & have decided that I’m bringing my camera to share testimonies and stories) This year is going to be all about living for Him and not for myself, it’s going to be a year of abandonment and sacrifice. I can’t wait to share the stories of what Jesus is doing through my amazing X-Squad and Team Bioluminescence. We’re going to radiate and spread the light that has been freely given to us. I can’t wait to look back at this blog post and compare all the fear and doubt from who I was to who I’m going to be. This year is a complete and total choice. I’m choosing to give up my comforts here in America to change myself for the better. To be the woman of God that He wants me to be. To hunger for something greater. To live in complete surrender. To remove the box that I put God in on a daily basis and to fall in love with Jesus, and the nations.
Love, B.
