I remember being a freshman in high school- I was fourteen years old and had my first public speaking course. I hated it. Dreaded it. I was already decidedly going to be a youth pastor, so public speaking was on my horizon, and as I sat there hating what I believed my future held, I told myself it was because I was young. It was because this was my first experience with public speaking. It was because I was one of two freshman in a class of mostly juniors and seniors.
Four years later I was a freshman in college, pursuing youth ministry, and once again found myself in a public speaking course. This time in a Christian setting. Bible college. Had to be easier, right?! Wrong. I was flooded with the same dread. I sat in the very back row. Again, everyone was older than me. And I was scared out of my mind. I told myself it was because these were speeches, not sermons. I’ll love my preaching courses because I’m meant to preach! It’s my first semester of college, for crying out loud, no wonder I’m nervous!
The following year or so I found myself in my first preaching course. Foundations of Biblical Preaching. I also found that preaching was even more challenging for me than giving speeches. My mindset was: I already hate talking in front of people, but on top of that, preaching adds a new element- I don’t want to get the theology wrong and lie about the Word of the Lord!
Over the next few years, I had several preaching courses. And it never got easier. When I was in the midst of writing a sermon, I was miserable. I cried a ton (ask my college roommate). I couldn’t sleep. I made myself nauseous. At one point, I sobbed so hard on the phone with my professor, I could hardly catch my breath and she gave me an extension on my sermon, because bible college = grace, duh. But in all seriousness, she’s incredible.
I don’t know how to convey what it was like when I finished a sermon. Most of the time, once I was actually preaching or finished preaching, I felt great. Or at least okay. I think being done gave me an adrenaline rush but also made me feel incredibly relieved at the same time. I would come away from sermon preparation with an incredible revelation from the Lord. That’s the great part! But it pains me now to admit that I had trouble believing what I went through in the process was worth it.
Flash forward to the World Race. I thought the World Race would give me some clarity on whether or not I wanted to dive into preaching for the rest of my life. I thought I’d be preaching on the daily on the race, which is the case for some other teams on my squad, but hasn’t been for me (yet). The first time a team I was on was asked to preach was month five. Indonesia. And TRUST ME, I was not about to take that opportunity. But when my team was discussing who would preach, my squad leader and good friend, Kevin Odom, just stared at me. To which I asked, “Do you have something to say?” And his response was, “No, but I think you do.”
Then the next thing I knew I was volunteering to preach! And I only had about two hours to pull together a sermon. And of course, the word the Lord gave me was a sermon based in Psalm 26 that I needed to preach right to myself.
Psalm 26 says, “Vindicate me, O Lord, for I have walked in my integrity, and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering. Prove me, O Lord, and try me; test my heart and my mind. For your steadfast love is before my eyes, and I walk in your faithfulness. I do not sit with men of falsehood, nor do I consort with hypocrites. I hate the assembly of evildoers, and I will not sit with the wicked. I wash my hands in innocence and go around your altar, O Lord, proclaiming thanksgiving aloud, and telling all your wondrous deeds. O Lord, I love the habitation of your house and the place where your glory dwells. Do not sweep my soul away with sinners, nor my life with bloodthirsty men,
in whose hands are evil devices, and whose right hands are full of bribes. But as for me, I shall walk in my integrity; redeem me, and be gracious to me. My foot stands on level ground; in the great assembly I will bless the Lord.”
People ask, “what are you going to do with your life? What is God asking you to do next? How are you spending your time? What are your spiritual gifts?” And in my head, I hear them questioning: “Do you have what it takes? Will you be successful? Are you sure that’s what God asked you to do?”
Has God ever asked you to do something that the people around you don’t understand? When everyone around you is questioning you, all that matters is what God is asking of you.
Psalm 26 is saying you know me. You know my heart. You know what I do and don’t do and you know why I do or don’t do it. Jude me, Lord. I don’t need to prove myself to anyone. You will prove me. You are the only one who needs to understand. You are the only explanation I need to give.
Jesus understands what it’s like to be questioned. He carried out the will of the father and did exactly what the father asked him to do and he was still questioned constantly. People didn’t understand him. They didn’t believe what God had asked him to do. They didn’t understand him to the point that they tried to kill him. They tried to kill him over and over again until they finally did.
But the good news is: when Jesus died, he died for us. He died for our sins and rose again and is alive today! The day Jesus died, he earned he right to justify us. He earned the right to say when we are right and that we are doing what he asked. He earned the right to defend us and stand up for us.
Jesus didn’t owe anyone answers. The only reason he gave answers was to glorify his father and see people saved. He did miracles to show the power of the father, to give him glory, and to see people saved. We are just if we are carrying out the will of the one who sent us.
I think my struggle with preaching ties back to the exact revelation I received through this sermon, because I know my fear to preach is rooted in fear of man. I will continue to speak the truth over myself- the Lord justifies me, not a sermon I preach, how well it goes, if I did a great job conveying the word, or if people think I’m a good speaker. The Lord and ONLY the Lord justifies me.
