Yes, it's true. I'm a whore…
Well I was.
Not one you would probably think of though.
Ever read Ezekial 16?
I was that sort of whore.
I didn't get paid. (Ezekial 16:34)
In fact, I never did.
But I kept giving myself away with nothing in return.
I was still a teenager and I felt like I was worthless.
Not pretty enough;
Wasn 't loved, seen or heard.
And had a ton of “men issues”.
I hated men but desired their attention;
Ironic.
It didn't seem bad at the time…
In fact, they deserved it.
Most of them didn't have hearts any ways, right?
I gave them what they wanted and I got my fill of “love” for the time being.
I told myself my heart was still “guarded”…
I wouldn't actually let any of them in.
Not realizing my heart was being torn in every moment.
Even though I was “technically” a virgin in the physical, my heart and mind was not.
I allowed men to use me and do what they wanted and deal with their anger when I wouldn't “allow it to go too far”…
I mean come on, I was a “Christian”.
I was tease; I was a whore with no payment in return.
The thought of their hearts never really entered my mind.
All I saw was this gaping, bloody wound that needed to be patched up
and I thought I knew first aid.
I went through all of this without realizing the truth…
In the beginning of Ezekial 16, the Lord talks about seeing this whore and “covered her nakedness” (v. 8). He saw her as worthy and beautiful and seen. He adored her and provided the only the best for her. She was His… and the bride of a King recieves only the best.
“…You grew exceedingly beautiful and advanced to royalty. And your renown went forth amont the nations because of your beauty for it was perfect through the splendor that I had bestowed on you, declares the Lord.”- Ekzekial 16:13-14
He saw me as worthy from the very beginning. He loved me despite my nakednesss before and He still chose me. When I chose other men above Him, I broke His heart. I broke the Lord's heart, yet He still calls me His. He still is there. He still deams me worthy though I never thought I was.
So, why bring this to the internet world where I have no control over what people may think or receive this? Because, when writing this, it was like the person I was writing this about was someone other than me. Who I was is not who I am now. I was brought to tears about how I don't even know that “whore” anymore. So, why hide and be ashamed when He is not ashamed of me?
There are so many women who are like me and have even more to their story than my own, but the Lord has layed on my heart the ministry of women.
WOMEN:
Do you know who you are? Do you know how He see's you?
WOMEN:
We were made for so much more than we believe. We have been made strong, we have been made beautiful, we have been deemed worthy by a King.
We have been made to be pursued and loved, not to feel like we must give everything for the hopes of something in return.
The Lord has put this ministry on my heart: the ministry of women.
Why He chose me for this, I have no clue, but He has and I need my sisters to know how much they are seen and loved.
So, what's the next step? I guess I'll find out soon…
