I am the worst at blogging really awesome things… so I’m just going to blog some thoughts of mine.
Today I was at the pharmacy getting my basic year supply of malaria meds when the pharmacist started laughing while handing over hundreds of pills to me and asked “What are you doing that you need all these pills?”
“I’m a missionary and I’m traveling to 11 countries in the next year…(the conversation went on but I’ll stop at this point)”
Something felt so wrong saying that I, Becky Lewis, was a missionary. I felt like I shouldn’t be called that. Who am I to have that title? This person who struggles with faith in her God every day. Who struggles with sin daily and who tends to say the wrong things all the time. The same girl that had a horrible attitude the following day… surely, I am NOT a missionary. So my immediate thought after that was “I just lucked out and am able to go on this trip so God can make me better because there is A LOT of work to be done.”
BAM. God happened.
I forget that He doesn’t see me the way I see me.
I forget the simple truth that I am loved and cherished.
I forget that it’s not about me
I forget that there is a fallen being who hates that I’m called a missionary as well.
I know God has called me to this. I know He knows what He is doing. I know He knows my flaws, my sins, my strengths and my fears way better than anyone or anything else and He still has called me out NOT ONLY to change me as a daughter in Him but to go and love on more of His children.
I can do that.
He can use me to hug a young girl who feels like there is no hope.
He can use me to hold a precious baby who was abandoned.
He can lead me to pray for strength for people who feel so lost.
I hope I never feel worthy to be called a missionary. In fact, I really shouldn’t even feel “worthy” to be called His, but I am His and there is no changing that but this pity party I throw myself shows how I still think it's all about me. I should praise Him and have that fuel me even more. I’m not worthy of Him yet He still loves me.
Yet He still wants to use me for His glory.
