So, I’m sitting on here knowing I have a ton of things to do; I still have to pack, I have to make sure the team knows that plans have changed and we are leaving early in the morning for the border and I have to make sure my ministry contact knows how all the plans have changed… there are things I need to be doing yet a conversation that I have had this week keeps going through my head.
Really, there isn’t anything really special about this conversation, I have actually had this conversation with many young ladies and women throughout my life but for some reason, I can’t stop thinking about the most recent conversation I had:
A sweet friend of mine on the squad and I sat down at a coffee shop to have an update on each other’s lives and somehow our conversation turned on to the topic of how to honor our future husbands (yes. Random.).
But we started talking about how Proverbs 31:12 says that “she does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life”.
Let this blow your mind.
ALL the days of her life…
That means not just the days that she is married to him.
Again, let this blow your mind.
I began to think about my own story and how I have miserably failed at this. Now, I understand grace (well, as much as I can at this point in my life) and know that the Lord has covered me in that and my future husband yet I know the unnecessary scars I have inflicted onto my heart that will be seen by him. So, that call on my heart to pursue a life that honors this man instead of allowing the etching of unnecessary scars on my heart has become extremely strong.
This call is as much for me as it is for all women.
So women, let’s chat:
There is not one woman out there that has not been hurt in some form by a guy. Whether that is by a guy’s actions or words, we have all been affected in some way by them and a lot in some of the most negative of ways. I don’t mean to bring this up to have a “man bash” because if we can just be honest, the mass majority of women don’t need to be encouraged in that area of their lives because man-bashing happens most days. I just want to ask you, how have you affected men in your life?
We can get into this mindset that men are douches, heartless with no real feelings or just pigs so the way we act, treat, look or speak to men can be just as harmful to them as it is for men to do that to us.
Growing up with a multitude of brother’s has been a blessing in my life more than I am even aware of but early on I was able to see how men do need affirmation from us. That’s something that is in all of us, both sexes. I don’t know why, it’s just something that the Lord has put in us, so when we bicker, make sly comments, roll our eyes, and just plainly be “bitchy”, we affect them; we affect their hearts. We do something to them that was never meant for them to carry around.
And if we are even more honest, the way we treat men affects our hearts: it can either encourage our scars to keep digging deeper or it can breathe life into us.
For all women, single or married, we are called to do “good, and not harm” to our men all of the days of our lives.
Stop complaining about what guys have done to you. Yes, you do need to heal. You must speak it out to trusted loved ones who will encourage you to more of our Father but don’t let the scars hinder you from honoring men; from honoring your future loved one.
So, how do we show honor? How do we do good and not harm?
- Easier said than done, but stop giving your heart away to boys. It was never meant to be abused.
- Treat the guys around you with respect and honor. Don’t let your knowledge of past guys in your life cloud the image of your brothers in front of you.
- Walk in integrity. Women, we are strong, we are smart, we are wise but we have a problem with our tongues. We don’t see the power behind our words so we need to make sure our words are full and not empty.
- And most importantly, we need to see that we are actually called to be more than a “Proverbs 31” woman. Study the women in the bible; See how so many of them did not have what the Proverbs 31 woman had (Ex., Abigail had a horrible man (1 Sam 25) which is unlike the Proverbs 31 woman whose husband was known at the gates and respected…). We are never going to have the perfect life to where following after the Lord and striving to be the women He has called us to be will be easy.
