Many people have asked what it is that has brought me to going on the World Race, and really, that question can be answered with two words: God Alone. Now, we could leave it at that, but then this would be a very short blog, and I’m told that’s not necessarily the point of a blog.
So let’s go a bit deeper.
My biggest fear, since I could remember, is failure; whether it be in playing a sport, school work, or living up to other’s expectations of my life, I was scared to fail. This fear reached so far that at one point I would avoid trying anything new, anything unknown, because I knew I would fail the first time.
So what has brought me, amidst my crippling fear of failure, to the World Race? What has brought me to jumping completely out of the bounds of my “control” and straight into a year of the complete unknown? It’s not my own doing, that’s for sure! In all honesty, every part of me is wanting to fight against it, but I am confident beyond a doubt that God is calling me to this. When the call is so evident, there is no ignoring it!
The summer of 2010, as I was phasing out of high school mode and gearing up for college, God rocked my world. Through a number of different life-defining events (hopefully I’ll get the chance to share those with you over the next few months) God placed a deep, and very unexpected (on my part) call to missions on my life. In answering “I’m willing to go where you lead,” I had no idea what God had planned for me. At the time, there was no specific area, region, or passion that I felt called to; so I entered college unsure of what to study and unsure of where I would end up. Anyone who knows me can tell you that that did not settle well with me, I like to know what is coming and I like to have a plan set in place (it’s all part of my fear of failure). God taught me to have patience and faith over the next two and a half years as He directed me to studying history.
In 2012 I attended the Passion Conference in Atlanta where my eyes were opened to the issue of human trafficking. God lit a passion in my heart that week that has been burning ever since. Even the mention of the topic breaks my heart, makes me furious, and causes me pain beyond anything I’ve experienced.
With a passion and a major figured out, I started asking God how they both fit together. While looking at a number of different NPO’s (non-profit organizations) for possible internships during my junior year of college, I came across the World Race mentioned on one organization’s site. I immediately looked it up and was intrigued. God placed it on my mind every day for the next year, but my stubborn self still did not expect I would actually do it. I’m continually learning that God always has better plans for me than I can imagine!
This past October God showed me His mighty hand as He opened the doors for me to go on the World Race. I won’t lie, my “I’m willing” from four years ago terrified me; it hit me hard as I was faced with actually acting upon my commitment to God. I wanted to resist the call, I looked for every possible way out of it, and I listened to the doubts that Satan planted in my mind of my inadequacies and failures. But He is teaching me to “be still, and know that [He is] God,” as Psalm 46 commands, and that is where I am finding my rest. A wise chapel speaker here at school reminded the student body a few weeks ago that, “While it’s okay to feel inadequate, it’s not okay to be inactive,” (Mark Irving).
So this is my next step in seeing where God will use me to further His kingdom, and I couldn’t be more excited for the unknown. I’m ready to fail, knowing that God will use it to teach me, to direct me, to guide me along His perfect plan, and ultimately to bring glory to Himself.
