I think a lot of people know by know that I am going on the WorldRace and why I am going. I have shared how excited I am to embark on this adventure and how great it is going to be. However, something that I usually leave unsaid is the fears I have about going on this trip. It is pretty scary to think that I am leaving my entire life behind for a year. I think it is important to talk about these things and not just ignore them. My hope in sharing some of my fears about going on the WorldRace is to 1) practice vulnerability 2) help people understand that this no easy relaxing vacation trip, but something that is really going to challenge me 3) expose these fears I have and allow God to work through them and transformation my life through this next year abroad.
My first fear I would like to share is leaving my friends, boyfriend, and family behind. I know that the important people who love me will be waiting for me when I get back, but knowing that honestly does not make my feelings of leaving any easier. It is so easy to become comfortable in our daily routines with the constant contact and love of these people in our lives. It is something that I have taken for granted. I have been so blessed to have so many amazing people in my life that constantly support me and love me. This will be a big change for me this upcoming year and something that scares me. I am a pretty independent person, however, this trip is going to challenge my ability to be truly independent of all the people I love. I know that this will really push me into relying on my faith more then I have ever needed to before.
My second fear revolves around the workforce. I have this fear that being gone for a year will put me back in being competitive when it comes to applying for jobs or for grad school. I am afraid that I won’t have the experience that schools or businesses are looking for. I know this stems from a lack of confidence in my own ability and a lack of trust in God. If he is calling me to go on this trip, then he must have a plan for me once I get back as well. This fear may be silly, however, it is something that I think about often. I question if this is the best decision for my career. ultimately I am hopeful that this will jumpstart or reveal the direction of my career. With this hope, I need to not worry about what I will do once I get back from the World Race. At least not right now.
Finally, one of my last fears is the unknown of what will happen while i’m on the World Race and how I will change as a person. There are some days where I think “Man I have no idea what I am going to be doing in these countries. Will I actually be making a difference?” I want to know all the details and this comes from my need to control my surroundings so I can anticipate how I will act and respond. I like to be prepared. Secondly, I am nervous/curious about how the things I do and see on the WorldRace will dramatically change who I am as a person. I have no idea what God has in store for me on this trip and how he is going to change my heart. Moving into the unknown is scary, especially since my “known” world is comfortable and I know how to function within it. I know that stepping outside of my comfort zone and letting go of who I am now is a part of my self-development and the only way that I can grow.
Ultimately, all my fears come from a lack trust, which is something I struggle with. Trusting in God is something that I try and work on every day and I know this trip will present a wonderful opportunity to work on this. I continue to pray to God to give me the strength to overcome these fears and welcome the uncertainty I am going to face on this trip. I confess my fears to you, my friends and family, in hopes of informing you of how you can support and pray for me during this time. I hope by reading this blog you understand more of my heart and why I am going on this trip. I am scared and have doubts, but I know that these doubts and fears open up space for me to grow and deepen my faith in God.
I love you all!
Blessings,
Becca
