This blog idea has been on my heart for a little while now I’ve definitely procrastinated posting it because it is super vulnerable and something I’ve personally really wrestled with. But I thought it was important to share. So, let’s dive in…
I lost my virginity when I was 17 years old. I thought I was “in love” and thought that is what you are supposed to do when you are in love. Or at least that is what I was perspective. Unfortunately, there was a lot of incorrect things I was taught about sex.
Just a few included:
– “Sex is bad and you shouldn’t talk about it” (The Christian Church)
– “You should fulfill your sexual desires in any way you want–through porn, masturbation, sexting, one-night-stands–its normal and everyone does it.” (Our Culture)
– “If you are a woman and want a guy to pay attention to you and desire you, you need to be flirty, dress sexy and act promiscuous. If you’re a man, you need to bang as many women you possibly can, because then you will be ‘cool’” (The Media).
A study was done on 2,035 married individuals, to determine the timing of when they had sex (pre or post marriage) and how that correlates to their marital satisfaction and stability. The results they found were this: “it is clear that the longer a couple waited to become sexually involved the better their sexual quality, relationship communication, relationship satisfaction, and perceived relationship stability was in marriage, even when controlling for a variety of other variables such as the number of sexual partners, education, religiosity, and relationship length” (Busby et al., 2010).
Now this is just one study, but it makes sense that the longer you wait to have sex, the more it will be satisfying. Our world tells us that instant gratification is the best way, so there is no wonder why we take what we want when we can. However, there are long term effects of this, that we never once stop to think about before indulging.
Something I learned from my personal experience is that I am the kind of person who craves intimacy and affection. I think most people do either on a conscious or subconscious level. It’s a normal human need. However, how we go about fulfilling this need makes all the difference. For a long time, I went about fulfilling this need in an unhealthy way. However, I wouldn’t change this because it has lead me to Jesus, and has lead me to supernatural healing where God gets to be glorified. It also has driven my passion and dream of creating a more holistic sex education curriculum in my future (that is a whole other story!!).
Going into the Race, I still believed that when you love someone and you are in a committed relationship, having sex is okay and it was what I craved. I knew what the Bible had to say about sex…“wait until marriage”, but I didn’t believe that for myself. I didn’t understand it nor did I want to consider that option. I wanted what I wanted and nothing was going to stop me for getting it.
Through my journey, I came to learn that as we draw closer to God we can’t help the shifting of our heart position to match our good, good Father’s heart position. When we ask him to grow us and stretch us to become better people, he isn’t selective in the parts that he wants to change. No, God wants to change ALL of our heart, not just parts of it. This included my perspective on SEX.
These are just some main ways my heart position has changed regarding sex.
– God created Sex. AND he created it to be GOOD!
– The enemy wants to distort anything that God created to be good.
– Sex is so powerful. With anything that is super powerful, it can be used for either good or bad.
– God knew this so he wanted to create a safe context where, the power of sex could be used for good and not evil. That context is marriage.
– The enemy loves to play on our desires and our physical and emotional needs. And loves to convince us that we need to be selfish and fulfill them, in our own way and/or in our own timing. For me he loved to convince me that, what I was doing was okay and it wasn’t a big deal. I believed this for a long time. Note: I am not denying that we have physical, emotional, and spiritual needs. That isn’t the problem. The problem is in how we (myself and my generation included) go about fulfilling those needs.
– God placed those needs there for many different reasons. One of the biggest reasons, I’ve recently come to learned is so we can be fully dependent on him to fill us and strengthen us.
There are times where I still struggle with this specific desire. However, now I know and understand that I have the power within me to withstand temptation, and that God will reward my obedience. No, I am not some puppet where God is pulling the strings. Instead, I finally understand the heart behind why sex was created for marriage. God wants to protect me and my heart. This is why I am choosing to wait. AND boy do I know it’ll be worth it (:
There is so much more I could say, but if you have any questions or concerns, I’d love to have a conversation about all of this. This is a topic I’m super passionate about. I welcome all questions and comments! (:
Thanks for reading!
-B
