At the beginning of summer 2019, I couldn’t stop thinking about my trip. It showed up in nearly every conversation I had and every time I read the Bible, I would be reminded again. My dad suggested doing a listening prayer so I straight up asked God, “Do you even want me to go?” Immediately, the lyrics from Oceans came into my head:
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You’ve never failed and You won’t start now
I felt so strongly that He was calling me to leave the safety and comfort of my first-world home and step into the beauty and unknown of His diverse creation of people and cultures.
*side note: the masterpiece of every individual culture and people is amazing, God really went off with it.*
Since I knew I needed to go, and the timeframe for my trip was only 6 months away, I started to worry that I wouldn’t find where God was sending me soon enough. I wasn’t the one who has always had a passion for missions, I’ve never been extremely bold with sharing my faith, I didn’t even have a people I was called to. I was trying to fast-track the process while also not committing to anything. I was trying to lead this path on my own, when all I needed to do was take God’s hand and follow him. One night, this barrage of doubtful thoughts was hitting me and I had my worship playlist blasting and the song that came one was Not in a Hurry by Will Reagan and United Pursuit. It felt like every word of that song was speaking directly into my situation.
Lord I don’t want to rush on ahead
In my own strength
When you’re right here
I’m not in a hurry
When it comes to your spirit
When it comes to your presence
When it comes to your voice
I’m learning to listen
Just to rest in your nearness
I’m starting to notice
You are speaking
I realized what I was doing, trying to take control, and I wanted to change that. I prayed about it so much in the coming days and finally started looking into options for me. The World Race kept coming up. It was like God was tapping me on the shoulder and all I could see was the age requirement; I had to be 18 and I wouldn’t be until the summer. I was talking to my sister, Lydia, about it and she said, and I quote, “If God doesn’t want you to do it, he’ll close the doors.” It hit me right then, that I hadn’t even been trying to take a step of faith and trust (and pixie dust). All I’d been doing was expecting him to set it all up for me and, though He’s very able to do that, he wanted it to be me following him and taking those steps to bring me closer to Him.
I took the next baby step, I emailed the World Race and asked if there was any possibility of me going on the trip as a 17 year old graduating early. I got a response exactly 2 days later saying there was a chance I could go and I should start the application. I started that very day… and took 2 weeks to finish. (I am a professional procrastinator so if you ever need tips, give me a call.) I had my interview call with Carli and I was so nervous until the moment my phone rang. As soon as I got the call, I felt at peace. I knew God was guiding the whole process and it wasn’t up to me and I was so relieved.
When I got the call that I’d been accepted to go on a Semesters trip, I was sitting in line to pick up my friend, Ema, from school. I remember the exact spot in line too, if you ever want to see it. I was practically in shock when I picked up Ema. I honestly couldn’t stop smiling, I was so in awe of God making a way for this to happen.
Now my question was, where to go? I had a choice between Guatemala/Nicaragua and Thailand/Cambodia. I kept thinking how cool it would be to go to Cambodia because I knew a family who were missionaries there but I didn’t think that was enough to choose that trip cause, you know, Spanish would be so much easier to learn than whatever they speak in Thailand or Cambodia. My mind was trying to get me to take the easy way out, but just like my dad, I couldn’t just do it because it was easier. I was still thinking it over when I talked to my mom about it. I gave her the 2 options and she immediately said Thailand and Cambodia because those are unreached people groups who need to hear the Gospel. That made up my mind, I was going to Thailand and Cambodia.
Over the next few weeks, I started talking to people about my trip and continued praying over it and the people I’d be with for 3 months. I was still scared of leaving my safety and comfort in my life here and my friends here but learning to leave behind what I think I need and trust in what He knows I need. The song So Will I by Hillsong really hit me with one specific line:
If the wind goes where You send it so will I
I felt like this was just confirmation of God’s plan for the coming season in my life. He’s calling me to go and so I am going to go.
