We arrived in Uyuni, Bolivia on the 7th of December. It was a long, somewhat treacherous and sketchy haul to get to our ministry after my team and I split from the squad. The first couple days here felt like a fog or dream. Like the insane travel days we had couldn’t have possibly been reality. Like this place that resembles the outskirts of Tatooine which couldn’t possibly be a real place where people live, after all Star Wars is fiction.
Now that we have ventured out into the little town, it seemed a little less desolate then where we are staying. Praises, Jesus even provided WiFi and restaurants(we eat out a little more often here because we don’t have a fridge). Bolivia really IS beautiful and I love the vastly different landscapes I’ve seen here that I’ve never seen before in my life.
Five days later, and we are “settled in”, becoming acclimated to the elevation, figuring out how to track less dust into our room, and how often we need to buy water and toilet tissue, eating dry cereal, pb&j’s, and canned fruit.
Our two assigned “off” days for this month are Mondays and Tuesdays, so Monday was a rest/shopping/WiFi day. And Tuesday was one of the best(probably the best)adventure day we have had thus far! We spent the entire day exploring the Train Wreck Graveyard, the Salt Flats, and Cactus Island. If you follow me on Instagram you’ll see pictures(and video to come later)!
We finally begin ministry tomorrow! Up until now we have just attended the church services Saturday and Sunday and then had a meeting with the Pastor of the church we are working with. I get the privilege to teach a hair cutting class to some of the people of the church tonight! Can’t believe the things God is using from my life.
So yes, we have fun adventure days 2-3 times per month, and other silly moments between ministry and daily tasks, you have to just to stay sane honestly!
But this month is harder…why? I wasn’t sure at first. But here I was in bed, needing a good night of sleep before ministry begins, and I felt awful. Was it homesickness? Was it loneliness? Was it feeling isolated? Not belonging? The feelings of either I’m “too Christian” or “not Christian enough”? That peer pressure that I don’t want to be a part of…nearly 26 years old and it’s STILL a thing? The concern that I need to conform to the “perfect” world racer persona? YES. All the above.
I began talking to my Jesus(the only thing I can do when I’m feeling so discouraged)…and the tears just flooded. I haven’t cried a lot since coming on the race. I don’t know if it’s because I’m surrounded by new people, I think I need to be “tough”, or I’m just too busy to often think about how emotionally drained or tired I am. Crazy for me I know, the girl who cried every single day without fail. I was just asking Him why. Why this struggle. Why don’t they understand. Can I do this for another 8.5 months? Who can I talk to? I feel so isolated. I guess it’s just you and me….and then in the middle of my prayer….
*miranda(not just one of my teammates but one of my dearest friends)reaches the arm space over between our sleeping pads on the floor and touches my arm* So begins the relating, the conversation, the healing, the encouragement, and the hope. We prayed together and talked over peanut butter and jelly crackers in the little “kitchen” above the room we all sleep in. We stayed up until after 2:30 am, but that bit of lost sleep was well worth it.
Jesus heard my cry and so graciously sent me a response in 2.5 seconds. He felt my loneliness, and reminded me of His love through my friend that night. Reminded me not to isolate myself even though that’s exactly what discouragement makes you want to do. Press in. Share with someone you trust. Find the HOPE. It’s there. It’s always there, sometimes it’s just harder to find. But the search is always well worth it.
Ps. Miranda, thank you for your friendship. Loving me through these crazy ups and downs. Having the hard conversations and showing me Jesus’ love in so many ways. I’m so glad we keep hanging on together, for sure wouldn’t be nearly as crazy as an adventure without you. Love you so much.
