I remember always having a love/hate relationship when missionaries would come and speak and share what God was doing at the churches I attended as I was growing up. I loved hearing their stories, but I also didn’t like how it made me feel. I remember always thinking, I could NEVER do anything like that and also, what if I ever did do something like that. At that time I didn’t fully understand or know who I was in Jesus, but still there was something about it that struck me as intriguing and that curiosity stayed with me over the years. I remember when I was very young, we had missionaries from Romania come to our church and ever since that day I had always wanted to go to Romania. When people were asking me where I was most excited to go on the world race, Romania was the one country I always answered with. I didn’t really know why, other than I just knew I wanted to go, and I wanted to see what I’d heard about. I didn’t have a “my heart is for Romania” story, I just wanted to go.
Well, last month I headed into the seventh country of the world race. Romania. Like I said though, this was the seventh month…and while I’ve enjoyed other countries, even loved Cambodia…nothing has quite struck me like I thought it might or like it has others on this journey with me. I’d pretty much given up on having that ‘I never want to leave’ moment. That I’m just American through and through, haha. And so I completely lowered my expectations of Romania…but God used that too and just came in and blew me away over and over again during this month.
First, in Pitesti working with Living Hope Church, our hosts the Golas family and their inspiring faith and truly living out Jesus in all that they do(I wrote a bit about them and my experience in an earlier blog), working within the different gypsy communities and how my heart was broken for these children, especially the girls and what life is before them. Just wanting to show them there is something better, something different, this doesn’t have to be their life, to give them hope. It hurt and it was hard as God revealed things to me during this time, I wanted to look away. I wanted to hide from everything happening around me…but He just kept saying, “Look again. Love again. You need to see this.” I was truly devastated to leave when the time came to travel to Draganesti to help out with PVT(the parent/racer event). I felt that a week of time in Pitesti was stolen from me. I was upset, a little angry, and definitely annoyed about PVT. I just wanted more time there. Yay for the parents and their kids, but I want to stay where I’m needed.
I arrived in Draganesti and was still not happy. I was unsure, hurt, sad, and ready to feel super left out during PVT. A squad mate came and spoke words of truth over me that God would just show me something special, that I’m seen, and that my time here would be amazing. From the moment I met the people from the host church I knew my time here would not be wasted, but I was still not allowing myself to want to be here. I continued to fight actually enjoying my time in Draganesti for about the first two days. I worked hard and put a smile on my face, but I was like I don’t want to be here. As time went on and I got to know and spend time with those from the host church, I realized I didn’t want to fight it anymore and just needed to stop being so stubborn and admit that I loved it here-these people, this place, and that God had placed me here for a reason.
So, I did just that. I leaned into the conversations over hours and hours of peeling potatoes, deboning chickens, cleaning bathrooms, taking out trash, and doing dishes. It was a time to spend with a smaller group of people from my squad and work together. We got to share about what God has been doing in each of us over the last several months and what He might have in store, we also just had fun. We made it fun, joking around, listening to music, and just being silly together. It was a time for renewed friendship with those I haven’t had time with in awhile- it was such a sweet thing from God during this week. It was also a time to build relationships with those who live longterm in Romania. I loved hearing their stories, how or why they decided to do long term missions, stories of God’s faithfulness, the heart behind what they do and how they live. I was overwhelmed by their strength, wisdom, humility, and servant spirit. I have a stronger bond to many of these people that I only spent this one week with opposed to those I have spent an entire month with in other places. I threw myself into being right where I was at, asking questions, working harder, and serving right alongside them.
My heart became so full over this week that it actually ached, God began stirring up things, thoughts, promises, and memories that I had nearly forgotten about. He showed me exactly what humility should look like and how we have a long road together towards uprooting the pride that still remains, but hey, it’s in process. My head and heart have been at war for most of the month…I knew something was happening and that God was working in my spirit…but it’s a scary thing to consider, especially when you know what He might be asking you. Giving over that control isn’t a one time thing. I’ve done it before, but God is showing me you have to keep on doing it, to have open hands with what your life is. You can make all the plans you want, and then try to place God in them somewhere…but that’s not how it works and you’ll lose out every time. It’s human to be afraid of the unknown and want to control it all. But the truth is, HE IS SO GOOD. He wants every good thing for you, for me, for all of us. He has such beautiful plans and dreams and an interwoven life that’s grace-filled, joyful, adventurous, and full of love. It’s a journey He wants to take each of us on if we will just say YES and let go of our own way. And for me right now it looks like fully admitting how much Romania has meant to me, how much it has overwhelmed my heart in the best of ways, and how one way or another I’ll be back. I don’t know what that looks like, and it feels even a little impossible at times, but I know there is still more for me to do in Romania. God started so many things in me in different parts of this country, and it was only the beginning, and I don’t believe He’s finished yet. I’m always so ready to move on to the next country…but this time… I wanted to stay.
Rejoice always and delight in your faith; be unceasing and persistent in prayer; in every situation [no matter what the circumstances] be thankful and continually give thanks to God; for this is the will of God for you in Christ Jesus. Do not quench [subdue, or be unresponsive to the working and guidance of] the [Holy] Spirit. Do not scorn or reject gifts of prophecy or prophecies [spoken revelations—words of instruction or exhortation or warning]. But test all things carefully [so you can recognize what is good]. Hold firmly to that which is good. Abstain from every form of evil [withdraw and keep away from it]. Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you through and through [that is, separate you from profane and vulgar things, make you pure and whole and undamaged—consecrated to Him—set apart for His purpose]; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept complete and [be found] blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful and absolutely trustworthy is He who is calling you [to Himself for your salvation], and He will do it [He will fulfill His call by making you holy, guarding you, watching over you, and protecting you as His own]. Thessalonians 5|16-24 AMP
