Recently people have been saying things like, ”wow, I’m probably not even talking to the same Becca.” Before I left the states people said “you’re going to change completely. You won’t be the same at all.”
I didn’t like it then and I didn’t really like it when it was said to me the other day. My response has been, oh I’m still Me, just more this etc etc. Honestly I’ve been afraid to change too much, afraid I won’t fit where I once did, afraid to lose relationships, afraid people won’t understand me when I go home even in my own family, church, and friend groups. Afraid people won’t want to be a part of what God’s been doing in my heart and life. That just sounds horribly frightening. What if I don’t have a place? What if there’s no room for me? So while there has *clearly* been change going on, I just tell everyone, “Yes. But not really. Like I’m still Me. Don’t worry, I’m the Becca you know.”
God interrupted my wrestling the other day with this:
“Hey baby, I’m making a masterpiece of you. Shaping your soul. I had to take you all apart-it was my plan from the start. I’m filling in all the cracks with my love, and smoothing all the broken edges with my grace. You’re just not the same baby. I know you’ve been terrified to change too much, always saying ‘I’m Me. I’ll always be *this* me.’ But no longer.
I’ve been shaping all the things that make you, you. The way you look at the world, from everyday tasks to relationships. You’re seeing it through my eyes, you seek out holy spirit’s voice, you take second and third looks at those around you. You can no longer enter a room without asking me what you’re to be to these people and how to love them well.
You say you haven’t changed- but where there was once a girl giving her all to the grind, work, success, image, and material things- with just me as a sideline coach and the Bible as a self help book to pick and choose from… Now stands a girl who works hard for the kingdom, who still loves the creativity of beauty, but has allowed me to mold it and now uses it as a way to bless others. Image isn’t the goal, but taking care of the body where Holy Spirit resides in. The same girl who loved material things, sold most of her clothes and personal belongings. I’m no longer just the sideline coach, I’m your everything, the love of your life, and best friend. The Bible is more than a self help book, it’s words of life and breath and healing, and wisdom.
So my beloved, you have a story or two to tell, and when you come back you will not be the same.”
{{ when He gives you the sweetest of words, and maybe you needed to hear this too }}
