I’ve been out of state for the last 16 days, I just arrived home this afternoon from Training for the World Race.
In my last post I told you all about my travels to the Adventures in Missions headquarters and about my very real fears and concerns of what training camp would bring. I also stated how I fully expected great things from my God during the 11 days of training camp. I prayed a very dangerous prayer during my drive from Michigan, I asked God to do whatever He had to do to prepare me, even if it meant tearing into my heart and causing discomfort, and yes, even pain.
I arrived in Gainesville, Georgia where I met 48 other people who I barely knew(if at all). These were the people I would be living in super close community with over the next 11 days, and at that moment I felt my whole world tilt. I felt off balance, I felt unsure, I felt slightly out of place. Which, if you know me at all, I LOVE people, I’m extremely extroverted, and never stop talking. This should have been a place I felt so comfortable in, but I didn’t. I was in that moment working through(but mainly fighting off)the feelings of a few broken and deteriorating relationships. It had stolen my focus. It was wearing me down. But I just kept thinking, out of sight, out of mind. I’ll be fully surrounded by all things Jesus and worship here and I’ll just forget all about it. But nothing could be further from the truth.
God took the prayer I had prayed seriously. Through the teaching sessions and worship times God began breaking down those walls, and I not only had to face the reality of those broken relationships, He also began to show me that I have had a “out of sight, out of mind” mentality towards so much of the hurt and pain from my past. While I knew Jesus had redeemed me from it, my heart was still weighed down with so much shame. It was time to bring it to light, share it, process it, hurt through it, and begin healing. “The farther back you go into the pain and things you’ve walked through, the higher your reach of freedom.”–Rozy
One evening someone came and prayed over me, things they felt God was leading them to say to me. They didn’t really know me, but they prayed over the exact things I needed to hear. Things specific to my life. I was in awe. This was new to me, but I couldn’t doubt it. I was in awe of God. That same night one of our coach’s came over and hugged me, that’s when I just broke. They spoke into me about my past, and all the pain I have experienced in relationships. For the first time in my life, someone hugged me and said “I am so sorry these things happened to you. You should be cherished and loved” and I sobbed…this was a side of God’s love I hadn’t ever experienced. As I began to release the hurt and shame, the more peace that swept over me. Slowly, and then all at once I was not only feeling like I belonged in this place, but I was excited for what God was doing and as I looked around and began building relationships with the other racers, God was doing the same in their lives!
God is so much more amazing, powerful, and good then I have ever given Him credit for. He actually SPEAKS to us. He actually HEALS. He actually LOVES us unconditionally. He actually KNOWS what’s best for us before we do. He is still a God of miracles. Chains were broken, shame was disarmed, healing began, people came to Jesus, and many proclaimed their love and commitment to follow Him through baptism. I’ve never been surrounded by so many people who are ready and willing(even if admittedly frightened)to leave their homes and lives here and go serve and love others all over the world. This 5th generation is going to do BIG things for the Kingdom, because God has done so much for us, brought us freedom, healed us, loved us, that we just can’t keep it to ourselves!
Yes, training camp was also full of fun, little sleep, tenting, foreign food, bucket showers, fitness hikes, and lots of ministry and mission training…but the greatest impact and what I am most thankful for is how intentionally this time was set up for us to be in a place to hear God, to discern His voice, to dig deep, and receive beauty for ashes.
xoxo Becca
“He will give them a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord planted for his own glory.” Isaiah 61|3b
