I have officially been on my Race for over a month. During my time in India, I experienced unbelievable joy in praying over 13 different villages, preaching to congregations that have never been visited by a missionary, and exploring the new culture with my teammates. On the flip side, my team also experienced moments of hopelessness over a country that seems so engulfed in spiritual darkness.
Before leaving for the Race, I was excited to share experiences, both good and bad, through my blog. Throughout the Bible, God calls His followers to share the ways in which He has rescued and loved His people. He wants His miracles and His love recorded so that others will know about it too.
As the month went on, this excitement to share stories dwindled for a few reasons.
I noticed that as I attempted to write blogs, I was censoring the stories I wanted to share. When I wanted to tell about the big and beautiful ways God moved in India and in my heart, I worried about whether I would sound “too Jesus-y” or weird. Some of the people who read my blog are not Christians, and I worried I would sound too radical and too in love with a God that they do not even believe in.
A lie also crept into my heart that I am not qualified to be story telling. In college half of my major was teaching and the other half was English, and many of my professors would comment that they thought I was a talented writer. Despite the encouragement, I still struggle to accept writing as one of my gifts. As I write blogs, I constantly feel as though I am not writing the story well even if teammates encourage me to post.
I am also dealing with the lie that I am not qualified to even be talking about God. Missionaries are seen as spiritually perfect people, even though this is far from the truth. As I reflect upon my past and current struggles, I sometimes feel overwhelmed with that role many put on missionaries. Who am I to tell others about surrendering to God when I still can’t do it myself?
The last week we were in India, I attempted to write a final India blog, which is when God brought these lies to light. He was calling me to realize why it is so difficult to share stories and asked me to actively fight against these lies that get in the way of me showing His beauty to others. By not fighting these lies and not blogging, I was not being obedient to the calling God placed on my heart to tell the world about Him.
I am making the choice to share what God does in Nepal even if it is weird, radical, or poorly written. God has placed it on my heart to be genuine with blog readers, so please be praying that I can continue working through these issues.
I also wanted to include a few pictures of my time in India since I wasn’t able to post a final India blog. Enjoy!
