Okay okay okay wait!!!!!
Before you start trying to cast a demon out of me! Or before you start questioning my relationship with God
Hear me out….
Can I just be honest?! Walking with God is hard! Since returning to America I’ve really just been taking time to really just step back and look around. What I’ve noticed is the lack of excitement and mostly lack of community within young adults in the church.
I truly believe it’s hard to keep the young adult generation engaged and at church/walking with God because we preach/teach and sing about the father who does nothing but great things for His children…which is absolutely true
but what about the God who allows death to happen? The God who asks you to walk through a battle or through the Fire? The God who asks you to lay down what you consider is your life dream to follow Him?
That’s the same God right?! So what don’t we talk about this God? Why don’t we talk about moments where sometimes I say
I don’t want to talk to God-I’m mad at God- serving God sucks!
Where’s this message being preached?
(sidenote: this is NOT a blame or point fingers on any pastors or leaders!!!! I’ve had to personally take time and process through things I’ve shared…which is what sparked this blog)
I know for a long time I felt like it was a “sin” or “wrong” to complain or have thoughts.
But here’s the reality-
YES! Sometimes God asks you to do something and it hurts, it sucks and it’s hard–it’s OKAY TO BE HONEST!
God can handle your honesty and guess what?! His love for you remains the same; He actually appreciates the honesty and loves you through it!
I’m at a point in my life where serving God isn’t fun! I feel so alone in this battle. I feel like I’m grieving some moments when I see team/squad mates post about travel days and ministry locations because I’m not there with them anymore. I feel isolated because this culture shock thing is real, and there’s no way that I know how to explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it.
I’ve had to fight through SO MANY LIES OF THE ENEMY!!! I’ll share some with you to bring them into light. (I’m not sharing to receive pity, but I’m sharing to give you a glimpse into my mind and heart this month)
I’ve failed.
I didn’t really grow while away.
I didn’t really impact anyone’s life.
I’m no different.
I didn’t give it my all.
I missed so many opportunities.
Everyone has changed, and you don’t belong anymore.
Your teammates don’t really care about you; stop trying to make that happen.
No one wants to hear you’re stories.
And the list could really continue.
There have been so many moments where I can be surrounded by people and literally feeling so alone! It sucks, right now serving God sucks. But guess what?! It hasn’t stopped me.
John 10:10 “The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy but I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”
I KNOW YOU HAVE FELT THESE SAME THINGS TOO!!! It’s okay because clearly you’re not alone in the battle. (And I’m learning that too)
As you’ve read in my last blog, I KNOW the Lord has called me home to do ministry here with family. But that doesn’t make it easier.
I try to fall back on truth, back on the small whispers of His promises and the ways He set me Up for this transition but it’s been tough.
So please know that if you’re in a place where you’ve served God in the past or now and life is so hard and you’re struggling to find out how God is at work in the whole thing, know that
1. You’re not alone
2. It’s okay to be honest with God
3. Ask Him why, and ask Him to teach you through this process.
4. Allow yourself to feel the emotions.
Please continue to give me grace and continue to love me, even when things are weird! But God is so kind, He’s so patient and He’s truly taking things day by day with me and teaching me. His love hasn’t changed for me, He still speaks to me even when I don’t get into the Word, and I promise He still loves you and still speaks to you. Don’t turn your back. and If you feel like you’ve turned your back and run far far away know that there’s always grace to come home!
I’m so thankful my leaders and adventures, that have given me permission to continue to use this blog! It really has helped me process through things while overseas and even home. You might not see me post as often as I did overseas, but I know the same God who worked crazy stories overseas…does the same CRAZY things here in the states! So I’ll be sharing some cool God stories since being home too!! So stay on the look out for a pretty amazing story of a man being set free on the spot! 🙂 Serving is so hard, but God is good ya’ll!!!
