I can’t even believe we are already finished with month 2! Time in Nicaragua felt like it went so quick, it could have been because we were so busy throughout the day. I’m not really sure. When I started the race someone told me about this “crazy time warp” feeling. Some days seem like years and other days you have to question if you even lived it cause it goes by so fast. And that’s how each month has been thus far. There are some days where I feel totally defeated and miss what I consider normal life and people. And there are other days where life is totally amazing and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
There were some moments in Nicaragua where I was ready to just give up, throw in the towel. This feeling has not only occurred in Nicaragua but, honestly, each month thus far.
In Nicaragua, I was beyond exhausted. I missed my community at home and I questioned why I even signed up for the World Race. Some days, I began to feel like my time of being a missionary is definitely over and this trip is confirmation that I’m done. (Haha..it’s the truth though!) I think I’ve spent more time in the past couple of months questioning whether I’m in the right spot or not; whether me coming on this race was a way for Him to confirm I’m done with my season of missions…
Before leaving for the race, my best friend uploaded a lot of songs, worship music – the 116 playlist, on my iPod for me. While in Nicaragua, riding on the truck to our next location, I turned on the 116 playlist and clicked “Shuffle.” Listening to it normally gets me prepared to talk to the next group of people, helps me refocus on why I’m where I am and what’s most important. But, there was a particular song that played every time I turned it on, “Go Hard” by Lecrae. I didn’t give it much of a listen until one day it caught me, I heard, “I took my wifey to Central America” So I replayed the song and it broke me down!!!!
Here are the lyrics:
“Took my wifey on mission trip Central America
Shared her testimony 40 people stood and stared at her
When she said Jesus shoulda seen it was insane cause
40 out of 40 never heard of Jesus name
Aw mayne we ain’t focused on the war we just kickin it
Worried bout our image and our space up on the internet
Take me out the game coach
I don’t wanna play no mo
If I can’t give it all I got and leave it out there on the court
Thank you for the grace for the will and the desire”
(You can Listen to it here)
I lost it. I felt like I had a moment of total flashback to all the villages we had been too. It WAS NOT uncommon for us to explain who we were and why we were at their home, to ask them if they knew who Jesus and so many people said, “No”or “I’ve heard of Him but don’t really know who He is” And we had the chance to explain to them who Jesus was, and why He loved them so deeply. And we even had the opportunity to see people and families accept Jesus for the first time and some who wanted to truly start living for Him!
And I had to go into a total moment of repentance. I felt like the Lord has slapped me in the face. I had to look at my pride and say ‘how dare you want to give up on these moments for comfort’ It’s an honor to work for the Lord and so often I look at it as an inconvenient. Or as something that I HAVE to do because I’m on this trip. But that’s not the truth at all.
The truth is I get an opportunity to partner with God. He has trusted me to share His name with people who HAVE NEVER HEARD OF JESUS! He has trusted me to love on people the same way that He has loved me. He has trusted me to be the Light in the world that seems so hopeless and dark. It has nothing to do with me, It has nothing to do with how I’m feeling, If I feel like it or not. He has chosen to use me in this life. To think I should receive something GREAT from this is my selfishness.
So I need to apologize. I need to apologize if I have come off as if I deserve any of this. If I deserve your support, or these finances. Cause the reality is I don’t deserve this. I apologize for being selfish. Things have revolved around how I feel or if I think I can do certain things. But the truth is, the Lord has anointed me, equipped me, and is using me for HIS GLORY! Not my own glory.
Here the best way I know how to explain my first two months..
It’s like being at a spa. Most people go there to detox the “bad” out of their bodies out our their pours and such. That’s what the Lord has done for me in these first two months, I’ve been on a detox. A detox of pride, selfishness, anger, defensiveness, grief. And just like after your spa day you have to drink a lot of water and things to rehydrate and help with the process that you went through. So I am at the point where I am having to rehydrate myself with the Living Water to continue my healing process.
So as I walk into Month 3 here in Honduras. I have to ask myself, how can I submit to who God needs me to be today. How can I learn to love the Lord with all that I am, so that I can pour out onto these kiddos! How can I rehydrate myself today. Sometimes I don’t, sometimes I forget to and I can see the reflection of it throughout my day.
Here is what Month 3 looks like!!! We are currently living in Santa Rosa de Cupon, Honduras! This is probably the safest place we’ve lived that I have felt since being on the Race. This is a beautiful community that we live in! We are working with Legacy of Hope. This is an organization that is broken up into a few different areas. First they run a family atmosphere transition house. They have a home that is for children who have permanent residency there as well. And lastly, they have a crisis center. This is where they work closing with the local CPS unit here and accept the children that CPS has removed from their family for one reason or another or children that have been abandoned with hope they can be reunited. Their main goal is to have a safe spot for children to live until they can be back with their families. We have been able to come in and assist them in anyway possible. They have an incredible system in place, so we just add extra hands to help ease their burden as much as possible and sometimes that means stepping back in situations and allowing them to continue on until they can use us.
Praise Reports!!!
Jesus has totally protected us during our LONG travel days between Nicaragua and Honduras. What should have been about 16 hours over two days turned into about 30 hours over two days!! But being in some of the most dangerous areas, we had total protection from the Hostel we stayed in to our Bus Driver totally watching out for our team on the bus! And having our team bags returned after falling off the bus on our drive.(Another blog about all of that later!)
We arrived and expected to have 1 bed and the rest of us sleep on our sleeping pads, but we have been BLESSED WITH BEDS!!! All of us!!!
We have 2 bathrooms and hot showers!!!!! (I’m telling you it’s the little things that make us most excited and thankful).
Our host is American and cooks lunch and dinner for us each day! Delicious food!!
Prayer request:
Our team has been dealing with some sickness. I think it has to do with change of atmosphere, long travel days and such! But pray for healing and that we would be protected from anything else that tries to attack our body!
Some of my team and squad mates are still in need of funds! We are supposed to be fully funded by January and a lot like me didn’t hit our last deadline of $13,000 so we are behind hitting our last goal. (Reality with this is…yes they give us grace, but they could end up sending us home with we aren’t able to hit deadlines or their extensions because that money goes to purchasing travel tickets, food and lodging for our future months).
Keep us in mind as this is our team’s first Christmas being away from home. I think it’s hit us all in different ways but strength to push through and dig into each other during this holiday time.
Lastly, I have a Christmas fundraiser going on! You can pick a decoration off my tree and each number represents a dollar amount. Once all of those are taken I will be fully funded! (5&20 are taken)
