Since being home from training camp I feel like I’ve been in a whirl wind!!
The first few weeks of being home everything was so different I felt like I had kind of already been on the race, as I mentioned in my previous blog all the things the Lord did during camp and then to come home as life was continuing on “normal”.
I had to learn how to kind of fit in again.
And I felt SO excited to leave for the race! I loved my squad , I was stoked for my team! It was all so real! I would get sad thinking about leaving my youth kids, leaving my church, leaving my friends and family. It all seemed so REAL, IT WAS ACTUALLY HAPPENING! I tried soooo hard to be SO present in every situation knowing it was coming to an end soon. And then things kind of shifted for me.
Launch seemed like it was FOREVER away, and the more “comfortable” I got being home the less I felt excited about leaving. I feel like I almost got kind of numb about going on the World Race, I knew it was going to happen but it honestly felt like years to come!
And now here I am 10 days from launch. It literally feels like a dream. I’ve been preparing for it for about 6 months now and it’s actually happening!! WHHAAAATTT!!!!
Like I mentioned earlier I’ve been really trying to stay present in all that happens around me. I really try not to focus on what these next 11 months will hold because I don’t want to miss out on family and friend time here.
One night when I was about to fall asleep (I feel like that’s when God drops some of the craziest nuggets on me LOL) I was remind of how present Jesus lived! He knew His ministry time and even his death was coming but He also made sure He was SO VERY PRESENT in every moment that He lived.
I’ve been reading through Matthew with a bible study group I attend and I’ve been thinking back on all that we’ve read and saw these things. When He was with His disciples He kicked it with them in the moment, when people came to be healed He focused on that moment. When people wanted to hear Him teach He stayed present and taught them. There were times when He spoke about what was to come, but He didn’t allow Himself to get caught up on what was to come, He stayed with every need, every person, and He had compassion for them.
And when His time came even though He knew what was to come, He had so many emotions, but He chose to stay present. He didn’t check out and allow the days and moments to pass by. Look at the last supper. He took time to teach, to wash them, to eat with them… HE STAYED PRESENT.
And it gave me peace. Because it showed me that I wasn’t going crazy LOL. I was trying to live so present in the moment with friends and family and yet I still had to think about the things.
Yes I am nervous, yes I do have fear of what’s to come but at the same time I have incredible peace.
I’m then reminded of my youth pastor Preston’s message one week he was talking about “what’s the matter”
“I bet the one thing you are most terrified of doing is the thing that God is calling you to do. Why? The reason is because fear isn’t coming from the Holy Spirit; HE’S CALLING YOU TO JUST JUMP IN WITH 2 FEET!!! FIRE READY AIM!!!!”
And then I’m reminded I’m not going crazy. These feelings of emotions aren’t weird! It’s all totally normal. It’s normal for me to feel numb some days, It’s normal for me to feel nervous, It’s normal for me to feel excited, it’s normal for me to not want to leave my comfort zone for the unknown. But GUESS WHAT?!? IM STILL MOVING FORWARD!!! And that is what is most important!!!!
**So side note!!! I wrote this blog and then left for a women’s group and the Lord shifted my vision on a few things. So follow me on my rabbit trail for a moment……**
One of the questions in small group was “The spirit of life and peace and also the spirit of sin and death-which do you, live in?” I naturally answered the question saying peace and life because I am embarking on an adventure that is truly bringing me to life and then it went onto the next person. And the Spirit spoke so clearly to me. “This numb feeling you have, isn’t really you feeling numb. What you feel is PEACE! Peace that is unexplained.” And He reminded me of a moment in training camp where one of our leaders read off paper where the staff had listening prayer for each squad and wrote words they heard the Lord spoke and one of them was “terrifying peace” and this was a moment of terrifying peace. Because everything around me tells me I should be freaking out. I currently don’t have extra funds to buy little things (but I am totally seeing my community back me up with these things!!!), I haven’t yet bought my plane ticket (because I’m getting ready to sell my shirts for that), I literally leave EVERYTHING I KNOW in 10 days for a year but I’m not afraid. That is peace.
And through all of these emotions that may surface the closer I get to launch and in all of these events I still see God is SO GOOD!!!! Not only because of the way He has used people to help provide financially but because even if my craziness He is still so present with me guiding me, teaching me, and loving me through this crazy adventure He’s allowed me to live.
Another thing that Pastor Preston said was:
“GOD GIVEN DREAMS REQUIRE GOD INTERVENTION”
This is exactly what each of you has been for me!!! It has truly blessed me to know that I have support that comes in all types of things; from finances, to contributing items, to letters, encouraging words, support, and so much more!!!!!
Sometimes I feel like thank you just isn’t enough for all the help each of you have given me in this time. I pray that the Lord blesses you even greater then how you have blessed me!!
I am currently 62% fully funded!! I am only about $6,151 away from my final goal!!
(my next deadline is in November where I need $2,656 to meet that deadline).
Please remember if you have a letter for me to take please let me know so we can set up a time to meet!! This is super important to me because I know being away from home friends and family for a year will be a challenge and a letter even though it is small will truly mean the world to me on those tough days when I open them (or the dates that you choose for me to open them). My last Sunday at Freedom is THIS SUNDAY, and I will be there Wednesday 28th (that’s my official last day at Freedom ekkk)!!!
