If he liked it then he shoulda put a ring on it, right? But if you’ve got no ring does that mean that no one has ‘liked it’? Ouch. From the perspective of a single 26 year old woman (yes, that would be me.) it kind of seems like that’s the message we’re getting.
If you don’t know already, I grew up in Florida but have spent the last few years living in LA. It’s been really interesting to see 2 so completely different views of relationships. In the south I’m an abnormality for being over 22 and single, but in LA I’m crazy for even considering marriage when I could be furthering my career and/or hiking half dome. What’s a bi-coastal girl to do?
I mean, should I have brought home the guy that tried to win me over by asking me to watch Sleeping Beauty, and then informed me it was just so that I would hook up with him after? Cause he was a winner. (and no, I did NOT fall for that.) Not dating doesn’t mean not having options, people. It’s just called being selective.
I am certainly no expert on dating, but I do know that true love is most likely NOT going to be found at Cabo Cantina. (disappointing, I know.)
Ladies, we have got to start believing that we are good for more than hooking up with a guy after last call at the bar. We deserve more than dates that involve beer pong and it’s ok to not be ok with getting asked out via text. Remember the days when a guy would call you if he wanted to ask you out? Or better yet man up and do it in person? How old fashioned, right? Man that was nice.
I’ve left more than a few bars alone as friends went off with guys that were def not their prince charming. I get it, I’ve been there. But what’s the real reason we’re out searching for love in the middle of DTLA on a Friday night? Again, I’m no expert, but I’d say it’s to fill a void. We have this ache to be accepted and loved by other people, particularly of the opposite sex. We feel validated when a guy wants us, even if it is the guy from Cabo.
If you’re confused about what’s acceptable in the world of dating, here are a few foolproof tips:
- Guys that tweet you their feelings but don’t know how to pick up a phone don’t deserve your time.
- Guys that ask you to bed before they ask you to dinner, that’s a no go.
- Guys that think they can treat you as their girlfriend but never actually commit to you – get out while you still can.
To quote my new fav blogger Max Dubinsky, “Can’t tell a tool from a gentleman? Does he drink from a funnel? Is he wearing anything by Ed Hardy?” If I didn’t already have a very firm ‘no Ed Hardy’ rule, I would now. So true.
So if Cabo boys are out of the picture where does a girl gotta go to see what kind of man she’s tryin to find? Ladies, let me re-introduce you to something we have all been part of at one point in our lives: the ‘friend zone.’ I know, some of you are cringing. It’s a horrid phrase that sounds like the plague when it’s coming from the mouth of the one you (think you) love, but it’s your saving grace when used the right way. When you’re trying to make the transition from ‘not good enough boy’ to ‘man that sweeps you off your feet,’ let your guy friends be your guide.
In recent years I have had the great pleasure of being friends with some of the most fantastic guys in the world. (yes, seriously – in the whole world. I took a very official poll.) Guys that opened doors, walked on the outside of the street, and didn’t turn to stare at every girl that walked by. Guys that loved Jesus more than they loved me. (tip for the men: that’s hot.) Guys that made me remember why I’m holding out for a real man and guys that were friend enough to never let me settle for less. They have shown me Jesus through their sincere friendships and I am forever grateful. If you think I might be talking about you, I probably am. So thank you. Thank you for being a man of God to me and all the other women that cross your path in life. It’s a blessing.
The truth of the matter is that I’m a bit of a hopeless romantic. I watch romcom’s, read Nicholas Sparks and always melt when Prince Charming wakes Aurora with ‘true love’s kiss’. I know, gag. What confuses me is that so many of us swoon over a good love story on TV, but then settle for so much less in our own lives. Sappy romantic clichés aside, the same truth still applies here. You deserve a lot because you’re worth a lot. Seriously, you are. God says that he would give Egypt for your ransom. EGYPT! I think God loves him some good pyramid action. I mean, he made them after all. But if it came down to you or the pyramids, they’re gone. He would choose you. YOU! Every. Single. Time. Why? Because you are worth it. You are worth everything. Now try to start believing it.
If you just skimmed to the end because you thought I was having a small soap box moment, then hear at least this: Ladies, make a man do more than buy you a few Bud Light’s before you get into bed with him. And men, step up and lead the women in your life. Your girlfriend, your friends, your sister…. any and all of them. A woman respects a man that gives her hope for the kind of guy she might find.
Be bold, be courageous, and believe that you are worth MORE.
