Transformation. Something I knew I would experience on the race but I wasn’t sure how. I had it in my head that I was going to go from one person to a whole different person, and even though sometimes I do think that, that is not 100% true. Even though I am being completely transformed, I am not changing. I am still the same goofy, social, Jesus loving Bailey that left home. I still listen to music 24/7, I still love dance parties, I still am the pickiest eater alive. It is like everyone (me included) is on the edge of their seats waiting to see how “different” I’ll be when I get back home, as if I’ll have none of the traits I had when I left.
I am learning slowly that while being transformed, I am really just stepping into who I’ve always been.
I’ve always been a daughter of the King.
I’ve always been blameless.
I’ve always been royalty.
I’ve always been chosen.
I’ve always been redeemed.
I’ve always been free.
I’ve always had the victory, because Jesus already won the battle.
I am finally giving myself permission to step into the woman God made me to be. It is hard (because I over complicate it sometimes) but man am I learning so much. We don’t even have to do anything to earn any of that, we are just born with that kind of value. How insane?! But that’s just how our God works. He’s a God of love and a God that wants us to know how forgiven and worthy we are.
This transformation has looked like a few things.
Instead of being quiet when I am bothered, I voice it. (Still working on this BIG time)
Instead of having an “off” day when I don’t feel great, I thank God for where He has placed me.
Instead of feeling guilty for leaving my two sisters for 9 months, I pray for God to have His hand over them.
Instead of beating myself up for something little, I remember that God forgives us for the big AND little things.
Instead of looking in the mirror disgusted while I am wearing the same shirt for the 4th day in a row, I smile knowing that I have 4 more in my clothes box.
Little examples like that is where I am finding the Lord the most. I don’t have these huge walls that are being broken down but I do have little walls that are. I do have habits that are going from dead to life. I have a lens that I have been looking through that I have never experienced before. I am having to completely throw away some things that I grew up thinking was the way to do things and reprogram my heart. The world tells us to look through the ‘me” lens, but God says to look through His lens. SUCH a perspective changer. We are so used to being surrounded by certain things that we think that is the right way, but it isn’t.
Something my team and I discussed this past week is how weird growth is on the race. By weird I mean interesting and hard. It’s hard because we are used to only growing from life’s curve balls but we are learning how to grow from life’s home runs. We wake up every morning expectant to grow. Intentional growth. What a concept. Waiting for growth is so much easier than intentional growth, but we aren’t called to wait.
Something I’ve always strived for in my life is humility. Humility is something I want to have and something I want the people I surround myself to have. But I think I have been so humble at times that I am not giving myself the credit I deserve. I haven’t owned who I am in Jesus on the inside. Humility is great but we are called to believe who He says we are. Beautiful, strong, smart – just a few things we are in Jesus, and so much more. Here’s to walking purely in what He says I am!!
So yes, if you ask how much the race has “changed” me, thoughts will flood through my head and I will have an answer but it will be how I’ve been transformed into who I was born to be. My perspective has been transformed. My thought process has been transformed. The way I see people has been transformed. I’ll never be able to put it into words how sweet it has been.
I wake up everyday in awe of my life. I think back to how ready I thought I was for college and how much MORE ready I will be after this. How much more wisdom and discernment I will have when I get back home. How I used to go to sleep and wake up late, how I used to never start my day with the Lord, how I used to think I was just on mission during a mission trip, how I used to think best friends who pushed me close to the Lord were so hard to find (miss you Abbie, Loren, and KG;)). They aren’t you just have to look a little harder.
As always, thank you for reading this little glimpse into my life. I wish everyone I was close to could experience this life with me.
Blog ya later,
Bay
