Recently, I have been trying to figure out my future. I have worn down my computer keys going from .edu page to .edu page. I have panicked a little thinking about the math classes I will have to take and the money I will kindly have to ask my parents to pay. I have considered not going back to school at all and living somewhere in the middle of a state I have never been to with people I have known for less than a year. I have tried to figure out what path I could take that would make my dad and I equally happy. I have texted my sister more than once asking if she thought I could get into certain schools and I have talked up a storm to my mom about the fafsa and transcripts and ACT scores. I have spent almost every day since Thanksgiving trying to decide how I want to spend the rest of my life and the steps I will have to take to get there and truthfully enough, there isn’t really a choice to make at all. Sure, I have to make the final decision. I have to decide which school I want to go home to or if I want to go back at all. I have been blessed with parents who can and are willing to support me (unless I decide to go to the University of Alabama) and I believe they are giving me the opportunity to make my own decisions because in the words of my mom, “It’s your life. Do what you want to do.” I have to be the one who decides the final path I want to go down when I go back home and am not living country to country, but I over the past couple of days as I have practically felt my hair turning gray, I was given an unexplainable peace about it all. Peace that only came when I remembered that in accepting Christ, I chose to let God direct my path. He is guiding me. He will open the doors he wants me to enter into, I just have to be willing to put one foot in front of the other and do that. In my head it all made sense. I would go to a school close to home because it’s close to my family and my friends and I miss them. After all, I gave them up for nine months following after God’s plan for me, isn’t that good enough? I had it all figured out. The hard part about this God thing is that sometimes you don’t get your way. You don’t get to take a break from Him and pick and choose which parts of your life are for Him. If God calls me overseas for the rest of my life, then that is where I am going to be. If He sends me across the country, that’s where I’ll go and if he decides that I am supposed to live in the same small town I grew up in then God bless my soul, that’s where I’ll be. I don’t have much of a choice to make at all because I have chosen to do whatever the Lord asks of me. I want to give it all to Him and that’s a lot less that I have to worry about when I do. I thankfully serve a God that has given me my interests and my thoughts and my passions and takes those things into consideration. I think the scary part about trusting in God is that I am called to trust in Him with everything I do. The fact that I don’t know what my future looks like right now scares me, but a very wise man once told me that I have to be brave enough to take a step forward with my Light in hand and trust that my next step will be revealed to me. So that’s what I am doing. I don’t know what the months after returning home are going to look like. I can’t give you an idea of the next five years and I sure as hell don’t know where I’ll be in ten, but I don’t have to. I don’t have to stress out about it. I get to live for today and trust that God will reveal what he has for me tomorrow when tomorrow comes, and I guess that’s a blessing.
