Intimacy with Jesus
One of the beautiful things I found on the race is an intimate relationship with Jesus. Yes, that probably sounds a little weird if you haven’t heard the word “intimate” used with Jesus. That type of love is usually associated with a spouse. However, my intimate relationship with Jesus comes because of time with him, the fact that he literally knows everything about me and he loves me so deeply.
Prayer has become a constant conversation with my father throughout the day, along with more focuses moments during my quiet time. I’ve gone through 4 or 5 journals in 10 months (I lost count), and write down what he tells me, what the spirit speaks to me through scripture, and also my prayers. Before coming on the race, I had never read a whole book of the bible. Many things just didn’t make sense. I have now studied many books and have understanding though the Holy Spirit. My time with the Lord is so important. My day is not the same without him, and this is something I will continues to do for the rest of my life.
Through more time with him, I have discovered gifts that I didn’t realize were there! On the race I have stepped into Evangelism and prayer. At training camp, there was a teaching over Evangelism. I signed up for it, honestly, because I didn’t want to do preaching and I already knew a lot about children’s ministry. It was a little strange at camp because we had to act out scene with telling the gospel… not my type of fun haha.
Not soon after we left America, my team started noticing that I love to talk to people and get to know their story. They started to call this out in me and I gained my confidence in this new desire I had. I began speaking to every stranger, and it seems like they would just attach to me like a magnet! I started praying for them and sharing the gospel with them. Crazy things would start to happen as I ask God for more and more opportunities to meet and speak to people. I have prayed for countless healings, seen multiple people come to Christ, and learned thousands of stories. When I am close to Christ, and yearning to be more like him, I am able to go and pour out my energy into his people.
One of the other big transformations that I had through being closer to Jesus is gaining back emotions. I went years without really feeling anything. We discovered that this was due to my need to be strong for people in my life, and the thought that I had to keep all emotions hidden for others to be okay. While I was talking to one of my squad leaders, He said that “If I don’t allow myself to feel sadness and anger, then I also can’t feel joy and peace.” I asked God to help me feel again. Two weeks after being in South Africa, I was sobbing in my teammates arms. I was devastated that I would have to leave the teenage girls who I had grown so close to. My teammate comforted me, and then spoke into me that this is a celebration because 1. I am SAD! Emotion! 2. I am sad, because I deeply loved the girls with my heart and my spirit. God has broken the chain and I have felt overwhelming joy, excitement, sadness, crazy love, peace, confusion and so much more!
Love like God loves
This last thing I want to talk about was shown to be on the second half of the race. I discovered that I was extremely offendable and defensive. I had many unhealthy friendships and relationships where I was not spoken to with love. So, my walls were up of offensiveness for anyone would might tell me I am wrong. Clearly, this wasn’t going to workout well when you live 24/7 with 7 people (5 women & 2 men). I was looking through foggy and shattered glasses, and filtered every experience and relationship through this.
Soon I was trapped in a box in which I saw no escape. I thought no one understood, and was hurt that no one desired to help me.
I knew this was not something of God, so I began reading The Bait of Satan.
I learned to begin looking the eyes of Jesus, and prayed for God to let me see my teammates through his eyes. Anytime I would feel offended by someone’s words or actions, I would stop and ask myself why that hurt me. If it was a past wound, then I would address it.
During this time, I also learned about loving others. Mark 12:31 says to love your neighbor as yourself. In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis explains how you will still love yourself, even when you know the not- so- good sides of yourself too. The same goes for those around me. Even if I have seen the rough sides of them, I should still love without expecting anything in return. Jesus knows every good and bad side of me, yet still chooses to love and invest in me each day.
These are just a few of the eye-opening things I have learned this year.
Thank you for following this journey & encouraging me along the way!
