Yesterday, I mourned for Jesus.
I was driving home while listening to music and the words hit me.
“You alone…walked that road…All for love. The road to Calvary where death will loose its sting, where chains are broken free.” (Your Grace Amazes Me from the Passion Album)
I’ve known for years, that Jesus died to take my sins away so I can have a relationship with God. I’ve known for years that he was beaten, whipped, harassed, nailed to the cross and murdered… but as I sat in my car, the tears began to fall. I’m not really the type of person to cry. Of course, nothing is wrong with crying, it’s just not something I do often.
But, all I could imagine was what I have “known for years” coming to life… I imagined myself taking Jesus’s spot while he lay hunched over being whipped. The desire I had to take the cross from his war-ridden back and have my own hands and feet nailed was indescribable.
He walked alone. I kept asking myself, “Why couldn’t I have been there for him?” and “Why couldn’t it be me instead of him?”. I, a sinner, deserves a death like that. Not Jesus…
My heart hurt so deeply in my chest for a man I have never met. A man who I have never looked in the eyes that knows me better than anyone on earth… more than my parents, my friends, or my roommates.
It was in those few moments that I realized how in love with Him I am. I am so deeply in love for a man that suffered the most known murder in all of history because of his love for me.
I mourned for his death. I cried for his pain. I desired to take his place.
However, I know it is not possible for me to do what Jesus did. His death was not a loss, but a gain. A victory! He rose again and defeated death and ascended to Heaven… that’s pretty awesome if you ask me because I sure know I could never come back to life after being brutally murdered like Him. Through his death, I am able to ascend to Heaven one day, be reunited with the love of my life, the one who knows my heart, and thank him endlessly for what he did for me.
Today, Jesus’s death showed me God’s unfailing love for me and His Almighty power.
