Last April I crashed a prom (It’s actually my best story). I felt pretty rebellious.
“The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion.” -Albert Camus
I want this to be the anthem of my life. I want my roots to grow deep into Jesus; so deep that my life explodes with a love displayed so radically that it completely disarms the social norm.
Let’s pretend we are in a conversation, a real life conversation. You ask me to describe my semester in one word.
Lukewarm.
I wake up in the morning with no passion in my heart, and I despise that.
But tonight I have been completely reminded of the Lord’s faithfulness. I prayed at the beginning of January that the Lord would teach me of steadfastness, and Jesus hinted to me that trials were exactly how he was going to imprint this upon my heart (can’t ever escape those trials ya know). So I expected the death of someone close to me or the loss of a limb or for a massive gust of wind to tear down the city of Tulsa (I swear I’m not morbid, those are just the first things that pop into my head when I think of trials). So I was ready to hold onto Jesus and his truth, I felt like a soldier (an elegant, graceful, FEMININE soldier) entering into battle.
But days passed, and I still had all my friends and all my limbs and Tulsa is still standing… Something must’ve gotten lost in translation, right? So I prayed once more to be fixed in purpose and to rejoice through the trials that The Lord had obviously forgotten to send my way. And again, my life was still pretty much in tact. HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSED TO LEARN ANYTHING WHEN EVERYTHING IS FINE?!?
Apathy. My most despised possession (though I try to throw it away every chance I get). Typically, when apathy creeps in, I decide that I must be doing something wrong, so I try to find another route to re-instill zeal. In this instance in my life, however, I have learned to hold tight to truth despite how I feel. And my hindsight/the Holy Spirit is showing me that this apathy is the best way to teach my passion-thirsty heart to hold on to truth despite what fleeting feelings tell me.
He’s a clever one, that Jesus.
I now wake up with a choice. To whom shall I go? Which path will I take? One offers life, one offers strife and jealousy and bitterness.
I’m a freaking rebel.
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