Jireh Children’s Home is a place where you walk in as a stranger and leave that same day as one of the family. The amount of love that was shown to us while working with Jireh Home last month was absolutely captivating. From the very first morning until our last day we were greeted by huge smiles and “running into your arms” kind of hugs from the 15 to 20 kids that live there. Each day began with a devotion spent with our kids. Throughout the 3 weeks that we were there we organized bible studies, English classes, a week long vbs, games and worship nights with our kids.
Unlike our previous months, we didn’t do any manual labor of any kind. We didn’t paint any walls or clear out a place in the yard for a garden. I cannot speak of a tangible difference or a physical long lasting impact that we made while staying there, but I can talk about something that Papa did to my heart.
Our last morning was something that I will never forget. We walked over to Jireh Home to say our goodbyes to our kids and hosts, Sendmi and Morong Khaling [aka Mom and Dad]. The amount of sobs and tears that came from everyone when saying goodbye was overwhelming. Even as we walked away from the home we could hear the children still crying from a distance down the road. As we walked away from the house, I looked around with dry eyes at my teammates who were struggling to keep it together and thought to myself, “Do I even have a heart? I must be a monster for not crying right now.” Yes, I was sad to say goodbye to so many dear ones that I had come to know and love, but I didn’t really “feel” the sadness. We arrived at the house where we were told to spend time in worship and church with a few other teams that Sunday morning before leaving Bangalore that evening. Still, I hadn’t shed a single tear or felt the pain of saying goodbye. Later as we were singing with our squad mates I was silently discussing with the Lord about how appalled I was at my lack of emotion. Had I really gone all month without “feeling” a thing? Had I spent my time with our kids keeping my distance emotionally so that I wouldn’t get hurt because of my fear of love? You see, I have this problem with not believing people when they tell me that they love me because of rejection that I have received from people in my past. In reality, I think a lot of us struggle with the idea of receiving love to some degree or another for a number of different reasons. As I was pondering all of these things the next song that we started to sing was “You’re Beautiful”. This song is special because we taught it to the kids and then sang it with them almost everyday. As soon as my mind registered the words we were singing my heart then broke into a million pieces. That’s when the tears began to flow uncontrollably from my eyes. It wasn’t pretty. As the girls on my team sobbed even more and the rest of us sang out the words I heard the precious tiny voices of our kids singing in my ears. It seemed as though I was feeling the love that had been offered to me the entire month long all at once. All I could do was look up to Him and say “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” For the first time on the Race, my heart was finally broken.
1 John 4:16-19 “And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them. This is how love is made complete among us so that we will have confidence on the day of judgment: in this world we are like Jesus. There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.”
