On the race, it’s easy to forget what you look like. There aren’t a ton of mirrors in the places you go, you typically can’t control a lot of your environment (what you eat, where you can work out, your schedule, etc.), you wear the same clothes every other day, and you sweat through them before lunchtime, so no one really expects you to look decent anyways.
But sometimes, those weird, gross, but great distractions don’t stop Satan from tempting me to focus unhealthily on what I look like. And as much as I don’t like to admit it, I fall into that temptation like clockwork.
When I was in Thailand, I was sick so I went to see a doctor. I think being so distracted by the orderliness, cleanliness, and fancy chairs made me forget about my least favorite part about visiting the doctor – having to weigh myself.
When I hopped on the scale, I told myself that the number I saw wouldn’t bother me, but when the bright red number popped up and I realized that I haven’t lost any weight since starting the race, I was crushed. That number began to consume my thoughts. I tried to speak truths over myself and remind myself that it didn’t matter and that I just needed to be making sure I was treating my body well, but the reality of that number kept bringing me to a halting stop.
I didn’t really want to talk about it with anyone or even God for that matter. I used napping as an excuse for putting those feelings off (even though I really did need the sleep lol). But fortunately, that night, I decided to read a couple letters from my friend Lauren.
Side Note: Lauren wrote me 40+ letters before the race started to encourage me, make me laugh, speak truth to me, and pray over me. I actually wrote a blog about one of these letters before (http://baileighmillender.theworldrace.org/post/i-dont-but-god-does). She’s a baller.
But seriously, God uses these letters to speak to me. When I decide to read one, I choose a letter at random, and more often than not, it is EXACTLY what I need to hear. I can’t even try to ignore it because it rings so true to my situation that there’s no way it was a coincidence. This time, Lauren shared a quote with me and this is what it said:
“You were created for a specific purpose that only you can fill, and King Jesus knew exactly what he was doing when he created you.
Because when He gave you your personality, all He saw was beauty.
When He gave you your interests and dreams, all He saw was beauty.
When He gave you your height and hair and eye color, all He saw was beauty.
And today, when The Lord gazes upon you, all He sees is beauty. He sees a daughter wrapped up in the perfection of Jesus! So let down your guard, share your heart with others, walk in confidence in Him today. You are so far from insignificant. And the purpose King Jesus has in store for you is far greater than you could ever imagine. You may look flawed to the world, but in His eyes, you are perfect. And in the end, how He sees you is all that really matters.”
You cut right to the core of me, Jesus.
Now, I’ve gotta be real. I’m not going to tell you that from that point, I haven’t struggled with body image, because that’s not true. But this quote reminds me of the truth I need to keep fighting for. Everyday, when I wake up, I need to CHOOSE to believe the truth that Jesus says about me. I have to FIGHT for positive and loving thoughts about myself. The world may see me one way or in a certain light, but Jesus sees me as worthy of the sacrifice of His perfect life, and uses me to glorify His Kingdom each and every day. The enemy may try and stop me by tempting me with self-deprecating thoughts and use comparison to steal my joy away, but knowing this only makes me want to fight harder.
“For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7b
I don’t know if you’re reading this going, “SAME” or if you literally cannot relate at all, but I encourage you to ask God how He sees you. It’s really cool to hear from God Himself what He thinks about you.
Thanks for reading and God bless ya, friend.
With Love,
Baileigh
