Disclaimer: I gotta come clean and say that I sort of feel like a heathen for sharing this post. I am not a great pursuer of people. Sometimes I let fear get in the way of getting close to people, sometimes I forget to pursue others and sometimes I just out right don’t “feel” like pursuing again. BUT, and this is important, I’m working on it. I know where I’m at, but I also know where I want to be. I want to say and be known as a good pursuer of people. So, with that said…here’s what I’ve found in my journey of pursuit.
Thus far I’ve been able to recognize the desperation I’ve had for friendships that sharpen and the ways they sharpen us (if you haven’t already, read my previous two posts to help give context). Now I’m on the path to discover how to personally pursue relationships, and how I can best pursue the Lord.
The journey of pursuit can seem like an enormous and complicated feat. Each relationship is different and requires unique nutrients to flourish. We all receive love differently. We all feel challenged differently. We all bring fears and baggage and brokenness to relationship. It’s sticky and sometimes very challenging, but it’s so beautiful and something worth fighting for.
Like many things in life, in learning how to do something well we often look to examples that we can mirror and glean from. In this case (and probably in all cases), the best example is the Lord himself. When I look at the ways the Lord has pursued me, I see a long history of patience, steadfast challenging (even when I didn’t acknowledge or invite it) and lots of unearned love. He’s asked me questions and provoked insight and curiosity. He’s nudged, pushed and utterly shoved me out of my sweet little comfort zone. He’s waited on me day after day, week after week, month after month, and even year after year as I’ve stumbled to understand concepts that in theory seem undeniably elementary but took forever to actually comprehend.
Others have shown me that pursuit often looks like a simple question. “What is the Lord teaching you today?” “How are you?” “What is your opinion on this?” “Are you really okay?”
And though pursuit is, yes, abundantly personal for every individual, at the core of every person is the same desire to be seen, to be known and to be loved. It’s actually a pretty simple process. To be loved (the end goal), we must first be known. And to be known, we must first be seen. “Seeing” isn’t complicated, but it does require taking your eyes off of whatever you’re doing and looking up. Looking up into the eyes of the person across from you, into the eyes of the stranger on the street, into the eyes of your best friend, mom, brother, daughter. Looking into their eyes and letting them know that you see them. “I see you for the creative person you were made to be. I see you beyond what others say about you. I see you for who you truly are. I see you.”
Knowing requires questioning. We all have those questions we long to be asked whether we recognize it or not. Have you ever caught yourself wishing someone would ask you how you were doing for a change? Or what you think about an interesting subject? Or what your dream is that no one knows about? Well, here’s the thing. People aren’t mind readers and we can’t hold them to that standard.
ASK THE QUESTION.
Ask your friends those burning questions you wish they would ask you. Start the conversation. It’s hard. I know. BUT, it gets the conversation going, and odds are, they are probably wanting to be asked questions similar to what you’ve been wanting to be asked.
Loving people well comes from looking and listening. How are we supposed to know how people feel most loved if we don’t ask and we don’t pay attention? Look up. Ask. Listen. Know. And love.
This is not any type of scientific-research-methodology type “article.” It’s simply my experience and observation, so take it as you will. The art of pursuit isn’t as daunting as we (or should I say “I”) claimed it to be. It’s simple but requires attention. Pursuing others is one of the greatest gifts we can ever give to anyone. I pray that we don’t let fear keep us in a state of withholding our pursuit. I pray we use wisdom in our journey of pursuit and rely on the Lord for revelation. But I also challenge you to not wait for the Lord to shove you out of your comfort zone. Go notice someone today. Go notice someone every day.
K that’s all. I’m sure y’all are more than ready to move on from the topic of friendship. I sure am…for now anyway 😉
-Bailee
