Hello beloved blog followers! Long time no blog (sorry about that)!
As some may or may not know, I prayerfully made the decision to return to the States at the end of month eight (February in Romania). A little background:
I had first heard The Lord speaking to me about coming home in December in South Africa. If you have followed my blogs, you may have seen a little more about that in my blog, “I’ve never wanted to go home more than I do now.” Long story short, I didn’t go home in December and, instead, waited to hear The Lord speak more clearly about the subject.
In month seven, in Botswana, my team worked with Love Botswana and a few of us got the opportunity to work in a non-Church based NGO called WoMen Against Rape (WAR). While we only got to work with WAR for six days in January, it completely re-sparked my passion for women and women’s health! Despite this opportunity, I was still really struggling with God and feeling like I wasn’t exactly where He wanted me. I decided to wait and see if maybe a change of scenery/continents/seasons would change what I was feeling.
When we landed in Romania in February, I was so excited for the month and just the opportunity to be in Europe, an area of the world I had always wanted to spend time. And Romania did not disappoint! Our squad spent time with Hope Church in Draganesti-Olt and my team got to work with a phenomenal family, helping with their bee hives, doing house visits, and even delivering baby goats (kids)! Again, despite loving Romania and the people I met there, I still felt a drawing on my heart that I wasn’t really where The Lord wanted me.
About a week or two into our time in Romania, I took some time off of ministry to stay back and pray about the calling I felt The Lord putting on my heart. I went back and forth between the logic of my brain and the tugging on my heart. Basically, it sounded a little something like this:
Logical Brain: “Why would you want to leave The Race? This is such an amazing opportunity at the very least to see the world!”
Heart: “I don’t want to leave, but I just feel like this isn’t where we are supposed to be…”
Brain: “That isn’t a very good reason. You should have proof.”
Heart: “I don’t exactly have a reason, but I feel like God is telling me to trust Him in this…”
Brain: “How do you know it’s God telling you this and not just you wanting to go home and be comfortable? Good missionaries don’t just leave the calling of God in the field to go home and be comfortable. What are people, especially those who have supported you, going to think?”
Heart: “I don’t know, but this is the closest thing I have to knowing; I have been trying to listen and discern God’s voice. If I happen to mis-hear God, He isn’t going to abandon me for leaving the mission field. He knows I am trying to follow Him as best I can. I think people, especially those who have supported me and know I am doing my best to hear and follow The Lord, will understand that this is just me trying to follow and obey His call again.”
It was right around this time that I realized my heart decision had already been made. My brain could fight it as long as it wanted, but my heart had already decided. Once I made that realization, I felt such a peace. Not peace in the sense of smooth sailing, but peace in the sense that God’s got this…it’s not going to be easy, or popular, but God’s got this!
At the end of the month, I got the amazing opportunity to bring my parents into the World Race culture and experience ministry, feedback, and community living with them during the Parent Vision Trip. It was such a blessing to all of our lives, just as the Race has been such an amazing part of my life. But that’s just what it is…a part of my life.
After being home for a little over a week, I have realized that when I committed to going on the World Race, I wasn’t committing to Adventures in Missions the organization, nor to the missions trip The World Race; I was actively committing to run His race, the race that ends with being united with Him in Heaven, and that looks different for everyone. For some of us, it looks like completing an eleven month mission trip to eleven different countries, but for me, it looks like taking a leap of faith to even go on a missions trip, experiencing God’s Creation in all it’s wonders all over the world for eight months, and then returning back to U.S. to begin the next chapter of our Race.
I won’t lie to you and say that I have it all figured out, that I know exactly why He has called me back here. I have some ideas, which include pursing the passion that He has laid on my heart for women and women’s health, but I am still trying to listen to His voice and He has shown be so much already, even without being “on the mission field.”
So to all those who have supported me in company, in prayerful intercession, in financial provision, I thank you for the opportunity to begin my lifelong race with The Lord that doesn’t end when The World Race ends. And to my fellow squad mates, I know you all are doing amazing work and I am so excited to hear the stories of how God is working in your lives and in the lives of those you touch for Jesus! Thank you for sharing the past eight months with me in journey with The Lord and here’s a word of encouragement: the Race never ends.
And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.
Hebrews 12: 1-2 (NIV)
