I’ve never wanted to go home more than I do now. I’ve even got the opportunity. I’m still shy the last financial deadline. It would be the easiest, most graceful way to leave. It wouldn’t be my “choice” to go home, so I wouldn’t have to explain to friends, family, and most of all, supporters why I had given up all they had gifted me with. But even now, with the combination of deep want and opportunity, I can’t imagine leaving. In fact, I’ve never wanted to stay as badly as I do now.
To be honest, I didn’t realize how much I wanted to stay at first. I was consumed with the overwhelming thought of trying to raise slightly over $4,000 in a matter of a couple of weeks, so I began to shut down, cop out. This was even easier because I was already missing my family during this holiday season, so I was rationalizing why I should go home.
Then we took a test. Now I don’t think that tests are the final word on Who You Are, but this one brought me into the realization of who I have been, who I am currently, and who I am growing into. It was a confirmation of things I have always known in my heart of hearts about Who I Am, but had been too afraid to acknowledge.
You see, through this test, I was spoken into that I have great power and strength, however, I was also reminded that these gifts from God are not always easy. Sometimes wielding Truth can be lonely and great strength can isolate you. And often, when these gifts are not used for The Lord, they become perverted, killing our inner light and hurting those around us.
These open acknowledgments rocked me to my core. It was like I was naked and exposed for all to see–not just the “she is clothed in strength and dignity and laughs without fear of the future” part of me, but also the parts of me that can be overpowering, demanding, self-centered, demeaning. The ugly, vulnerable parts.
But God is great and He knows what He is doing. He knows me so well. He knew that I needed a good ole’ love smack. I needed to acknowledge all of the ugly parts of who I can be, no matter how hard that was, in order to realize how far I have come, how far He has brought me.
I know a lot of Racers will say that the World Race won’t change your life, and they are probably right. But GOD can and will change your life, and for me, He is doing that through The World Race. He is using it as a tool for Him and I. This has been His invitation to me to take an adventure of a lifetime with Him, to grow with Him and in Him, to be romanced by Him.
So despite how much I want to go home and be comfortable with my family during Christmas and the new year, I can’t possibly leave our adventure now. I know He has too much planned for us in what is left in this adventure called The World Race.
