If you’ve been following my journey on the Race, you’ve probably been surprised by the high levels of comfort that I’ve enjoyed for the past 8 months—I was too.
But it’s month 9 and Myanmar is pretty much exactly what I trained for a year ago. Squatty potties, bug nets, sleeping pads, bucket showers, sweating,and life in a culture wildly different than my own. I’ve never felt more out of place.
The first day here, I sat on the ground for hours in the heat, just meditating on the fact that I had to make it through three weeks of living here with almost nothing to do besides the 4 hours of ministry Monday through Friday.
I was homesick for pretty much the first time.
I miss being clean. Like, physically clean and put somewhat put-together. I miss coffee. Like, real coffee that drips through a filter and costs $3. I miss eating meals with people I love. I miss my bed. I miss my friends, so much. I miss air conditioning. I miss tacos. I miss driving and listening to music. I miss my family.
It’s all very simple things. Some are carnal, some are deeply emotional. In nearly two short weeks, I will be reunited with those pleasures and people and will feel a deep sense of relief and belonging, like I am where I should be. It’ll be awesome.
But, in this season the Lord has reminded me that even the most wonderful experiences on this earth are unsatisfying and temporary. Being home will be refreshing, but my homesick soul will not be truly content until I am truly Home.
I mentally glamorized the World Race before I left, and now I can easily glamorize what home will be like when I am there.
My soul longs for every ‘next’ season to be better than the one I am currently in. And honestly, it usually is, but it’s still never good enough. There is always something missing.
“Avery, at what point will you realize that your soul is hungering for my Kingdom come? At what point will you realize that you are a sojourner and an exile on this earth?”
“Preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
This is a reminder we need to have many, many times. We need to sober up and realize what we truly want. What desire is driving you? What do you want? When I ask myself this question, no matter where I am or what I am doing, it always boils down to this: I want to be in the unfiltered presence of Peace and Joy and Love. I want to know Him, even I have been fully known, and I want to know that He is pleased with me.
At 19 years old, I look into my future on this earth, the 60 to 80 (God-willing) years I have left, and know that I will cherish it and I will do beautiful and amazing things with it, but ultimately, it will all turn out to be pretty disappointing, if this place is where my hope is.
It’s kinda funny. It sounds depressing, but it’s the most freeing realization we can have on this earth. There’s no more fear of failure, missing out, rejection, and best of all, no more fear that you will get everything you ever wanted and still be disappointed.
My appetite for God is enormous and increasing daily. I will spend every day making more room for His presence on this earth now, but only the absolute fullness of His presence will satisfy.
“All creation has been groaning in the pains of childbirth until now. Even we, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.”
All that to say, I’m ready to be home. But, much more than that, I want to be Home. While I wait, I will fight to bring as many people there with me as I can. I will store up for myself treasures where nothing can destroy or taint their purity. I will show people what their hearts are truly desiring, and how they can have every desire of their heart fulfilled, eternally.
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Can you believe it’s almost over? Because I definitely can’t.
Praise God for everything that He has done in this season, it has been more amazing than I ever could’ve imagined.
Praise Him for the joy, the trials, the challenges, the friendships, the hard work, and the rest.
In reflecting over the past 9 months, I am satisfied and worshipful.
I am ready for whatever comes next.
So much love,
Aves
