My whole life I have suffered from F.O.M.O. (fear of missing out)— especially in my spiritual life. Wherever Jesus is doing a “big” thing, I want to be there. In hindsight, I think that’s actually why I signed up for the World Race.
I was tired of normal, boring, American Christian life and I was ready to “heal the sick, raise the dead, and cleanse the lepers.”
What’s funny is that there are teams on my squad who are doing those very things right now, but I am not on them.
Some of my best friends on the race have come to me with testimonies of miraculous healings and salvations, or spectacular revelations and visions they’ve received while being on the World Race, but I have not yet had an experience like that.
This fact has probably been the most disappointing part of my Race experience, and honestly the most painful part of my faith as a whole. I can’t recall how many times I have cried out to God for Him to reveal to me His glory through miracles. “God, do what only you can do. Do something so big and so cool, that I have no choice but to give you credit for it.”
I know it isn’t a coincidence that I haven’t yet seen visions, casted out demons, or spoken in tongues. It’s because the Lord is calling me to cling to Him, not to an experience that I have had.
My insatiable hunger for God doesn’t necessarily come from a bad place, it’s just that maybe I am not hungering for Him as a Person so much as I am hungering for His works.
God does do amazing, miraculous works when it is necessary to the benefit of the recipient. But the majority of the time, He speaks in a whisper.
(I almost hate blogging about this because of how basic it is, but too late.)
Y’all know Elijah from 1 Kings. I see a lot of myself in Elijah. He is a person who has a fire in his spirit. He has a passion for justice, for righteousness, for God’s dominion and authority, and for seeing God do really big things. He pursues God and His righteousness with every ounce of his energy, but when God doesn’t show up in the way he hopes, he becomes disappointed, exhausted, and depressed.
One day when Elijah completely came to the end of His hope, He asked God to just take his life. Of course, God didn’t. Instead, He took him into a desert (spiritual symbolism?) and up to Mount Sinai to do a little firework show for him.
After 40 days traveling alone, broken, and exhausted in the desert, Elijah stands on the mountain and, “a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks.” Wind so strong that it breaks a mountain? That’s some mighty, miraculous, supernatural wind. But God isn’t even in it.
Then there was an earthquake. But God isn’t in it.
Then a fire. Exactly the kind of thing you’d think God would be in. But He’s not.
Then there was silence. And God was in it.
I hate how real this story is.
This is my story. I have this fire in my spirit, this unceasing restlessness, this appetite for the things of God. But I get so carried away in it that I toil endlessly in search of spiritual experiences and I forget that God is found in the stillness.
On the World Race, I have grown. Exponentially. I have seen God move. Miraculously. Just not in the ways I expected.
God has been speaking to me in the silence. He’s teaching me about love, purity, devotion, and depth of faith. I think all the other stuff will come later. But even if it never does, I don’t have to worry or strive because I can trust that the almighty God knows what He’s doing and that His true power is found in the meekness of that simple realization.
—–
These are some of my friends that I teach on the street. They’re really funny and really savage. Look at those bad boys.
Prior to this Monday, ministry looked like walking around my town and feeding the hungry or teaching unschooled street kids. That time was really precious to me and really rewarding. I made so many friends with the people on the street, and probably prayed over about 50 people. Every day, we would go out and I would pray that God would send us someone in need, and every day He did. I am learning that I truly come alive when I get to tell strangers about the Father’s love for them.
My “official” ministry, though, just started. Elyse, Molly, Hannah, and I get to go into public schools around J-Bay and give a lesson pertaining to the Scriptures. We literally just sit in a circle with a class of 20-30 high school students and talk about Jesus. Which is my very favorite thing to do. We do that about 4 times a day and then we come home. We live at a camp where the other half of my team are counselors, so there are pretty much always kids running around and screaming. I am learning, by the grace of God, to be okay with that.
This is me with one of my high school classes. I thrive in this environment.
Prayer Requests:
- Okay. This one is a prayer request but also just a request. You see this beautiful woman?That’s my mom. There is this thing called Parent Vision Trip for the World Race. Basically for one week at the end of February, my mom has the opportunity to come to South Africa and serve Jesus alongside me. I really want her to come, and she feels very called to be here with me, too. But she needs at least $2,000 to be able to make the trip. So far, we have approximately no money, so things are looking pretty grim. If you are reading this and you feel the Holy Spirit stirring you to help us out, this is the link to her Gofundme page. Any amount is appreciated. I want to see my Mommy and my Mommy wants to leave American life for just a week to see Jesus move in a new way.
