It has been almost 2 months in India, I have about less than two weeks left. In just a few weeks I will be boarding a plane to head to Costa Rica and beginning the home stretch of this adventure. As I think back over these last few months i’m filled with such a range of emotions; I’m filled with such joy over the things God has done in my heart the last two months, i’m filled with bittersweet emotions of being over halfway done, i’m filled with sadness as I think about goodbyes and closing this chapter, but overall, i’m filled with such gratitude and awe. I have seen such beauty, such awe and wonder, things that have broken my heart and things that have driven me to celebration beyond explanation. My heart has been radically changed.
Honestly, i’ve dropped the ball on this whole blogging thing. I imagined all that my blog and my instagram were going to be, showing and telling you all the details and unpacking it with you and i’ve missed the mark with it. I haven’t had wifi more then 4 or 5 times the last 2 months so it’s been hard to post because i’m not sure what to say. It’s been heavy on my heart not to glamorize and show just the highlights, but also trying to find the balance in sharing and experiencing without a hidden agenda of how things will look or sound on my blog or social media. So, the concoction of no wifi, being at a loss for words and my inner dialogue of what to post or what not to post has made the lack of posting what it is.
That all being said, I really want to give you a glimpse into India because it’s changed me; its been the place that will forever be remembered as the place I found life — new, abundant and whole life all in and because of Jesus.
Before I begin, I want to set the scene of the greatness of God, his attention and care to details and his faithfulness … Rewind to Mid July 2019, Gainesville Georgia: Training Camp
One of the nights we gathered as a group and blank white sheets of paper were placed all around the room. Each one had each country written in big black block letters on it. Our squad leaders and squad mentor handed each of us 4 sticky notes, on them we were asked to write a prayer, a word, a verse or anything we felt impressed on our hearts for that country. I sat and waited, a few minutes later I felt God impress this sentence: “Place of _____ “ with various words inserted into the blank for each country.
the word for India was “Place of LIFE”
Fast Forward to month one, Chiang Mai Thailand. I flipped through the journal I used at training camp to refresh my memory on the words that were spoken over each country. As I scanned the paper, India caught my eye — I looked at it and the verse “PSALM 23” popped into my head. I wrote it down under India and closed the notebook, letting it be buried beneath the rest of the things shoved into my big pack.
(read psalm 23 below)
Fast Forward to Now. India is almost over. Psalm 23 has been a verse I’ve been memorizing, studying and finding life in. It is a passage that has brought me life with its promises and its depth leaking from every single verse. India has been a place of deep connection, of surrender, of peace and of new life. The first 3 months of the race were all the ground work fo the next 6 — its a lot of adjusting, getting used to the new reality of this rollercoaster of a year, it’s unpacking baggage and learning how to lay it down and dealt let it go, to find freedom in surrender, so when you do, you are open, free and ready for a fresh start. That’s what India has been — a fresh start and the start of building a new life. My life is no longer about just me. Fear and anxiety and fleeting emotions are no longer driving my decisions. My worth and value no longer stem from my appearance (my hair, my skin/makeup, my clothes etc) but from the truth that I am wonderful and beautiful because my creator says so. My dreams are no longer limited to the American dream of being successful, having a big house and a nice car, a husband and a family that is picture perfect, but it bigger than that.
Yes, I am still me, I still love to laugh, I still LOVE clothes and doing makeup, I still dream of having a husband and a family and a house and a job and all those things, but I’ve stopped settling and striving and seeking — i’ve stopped waiting for life to happen and have let what was, be what it is. i’ve let go and now i’m running, free, unafraid, whole and full and full of an unspeakable sense of peace and Joy. My life is no longer my own.
Here’s what i’m trying to say: I lack nothing, because the Lord is my Shepard. I don’t need to fear or worry or stress because he will supply all that I need, not just what I think I need but what I actually need. He renews my strength when I am weak or hurrying and he guides me along, holding my hand. He allows me to rest and find all good things in him. Not only this, but he promises this same thing to all people. Not
just me and the ones I love but to ALL people. This new life it’s one that Ive received. it’s not one I have to work for or strive, but it’s one I get to journey in every day. Its not all puppies and rainbows and perfect, but is true, unconditional, never changing and it carries me, all the days of my life.
P S A L M 2 3
“The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams.
He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name.
Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.
You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.
Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.”
hugs hugs hugs
love aves
