Discouragement has been having a hold over me lately. In this world that we live in money has become an idol and a prized possession that has a heavy weight. And the weight gets heavier when you have to reach a financial goal of $13,805 in just 66 days, 2 hours, and 6 minutes from now. The voices from myself, others, and especially Satan have been saying “There’s no way that you will reach this”, “It’s not enough time”, and “What if you fail?”. I have been struggling with these thoughts as launch day comes closer.
I have grown the fear of failure. The failure that I won’t be able to teach the Gospel to my best ability, the failure that I won’t be able to share the love of God with someone who has never heard of Him, and the failure that I won’t be able to handle the emotional weight that this mission will have. I have not grown up to know God like others have. I was saved by our amazing God who has been reaching for me my whole life only about 2 and a half years ago. I haven’t read the entire Bible. I am not able to quote a ton of Bible verses off the top of my head. I am still learning and I know that’s okay. It is intimidating knowing that some of my squad mates are more educated on the Word of God but at the same time it is comforting. When I am searching for an answer that I don’t have I will have my teammates there to support me and the support and love of God who will be with us the entire time as we share who He is. I also have a connection and a relationship with God that is completely my own that is special and beautiful. I have a story of complete brokenness and being lost, to salvation and love of a never failing God who I didn’t even know existed and that He has been fighting for me to know Him for so long. I can share that with a passion and a sincerity that cannot be told by anyone else. God is calling me to share what He has done in my life and I have never felt more certain that this is what I should be doing. I prayed when discouragement was winning. I prayed for God to show me that this is what I need to be doing and that he would grasp my heart completely. I was walking at the dam down the street from my house when I took that time to talk to Him. As this overwhelming security fell over me I looked up in the sky and there was a rainbow. I immediately began to cry tears of joy because in the book of Genesis after the flood a rainbow appears to symbolize the mercy of God and the covenant that he made with Noah.
“And God said, “This is the sign of the covenant that I make between me and you and every living creature that is with you, for all the future generations: I have set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be a sign of the covenant between me and the earth. When I bring clouds over the earth and the bow is seen in the clouds, I will remember my covenant that is between me and you and every living creature of all flesh. And the waters shall never again become a flood to destroy all flesh.” (Genesis 9:12-15, ESV)
Again in Ezekiel,
“Like the appearance of the bow that is in the cloud on the day of rain, so was the appearance of the brightness all around.” (Ezekiel 1:28, ESV)
God is amazing and unstoppable. He is my crutch and my reason for perseverance and I’m not strong enough to do this without Him. Discouragement will not get the best of me.
