As launch approached, many people asked me if I was ready to go. I posted a blog called “Ready or Not” where I talked about how I will never truly be ready to leave. However, as launch drew near I started realizing that I was tired of thinking about the race. I spent 9 months with the thoughts, I got to a point where I was done thinking and ready to finally go and experience.
In the duration of time before the race, your mind automatically tries to mentally prepare for what we think we will experience.
You can try to imagine every scenario possible. You can try to picture what your life will be like outside of your normal routine; bacon and eggs in the morning, watching Gilmore Girls with your best friend every Tuesday night, getting to go home to your parents whenever you want.
You’ll never know abandonment until you are forced to let go.
What does abandonment look like? For me, it’s choosing to not check social media for 30 days when I have the option to. It’s eating one plate of food and not having seconds, even when I’m still hungry. It’s sharing a small living space with 13 other people and never being alone. It’s constantly being told where you are going and what you are doing and choosing to be content with that.
Abandonment looks different for everyone, especially for me compared to those back home. However, abandonment embodies the same feelings inside no matter where you are. Abandonment is about letting go of things that make you comfortable and trusting that God will be enough.
Psalm 34:10 says,
Even strong lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord never lack any good thing. (NLT)
This verse was the basis of my first ‘message’ ever given to a group of people. Back then, I talked about my past struggle with using worldly things to fill my heart. The second half of this verse, “but those who trust in the Lord never lack any good thing,” is what I clung to. We will need for nothing when we trust in the Lord. In my opinion, this is the perfect verse about abandonment.
This verse is more true for me now than ever, but this time the first half is what sticks out to me. “Even strong lions sometimes go hungry…”
This month I have reached the most difficult level of abandonment so far, food. In Chile we ate like kings. In Argentina we ate pretty well. In Bolivia, almost everything I eat seems to make my stomach hurt. We are given small portions, and very very little amounts of meat. That’s when I realized that back home I literally eat meat for every meal. I find myself asking in all seriousness “Where’s the Beef?” The feeling of hunger is almost constant. Today I stayed home from ministry because of a stomach bug. It’s something I expected to happen eventually, but didn’t realize how difficult it would be until now.
At times like these, I am forced to look at what God says about abandonment;
“Even strong lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the Lord never lack any good thing.”
Abandonment is not about how I feel, it’s about who I am.
In the midst of my hunger, I am strong. Where it seems like I am lacking, I am satisfied.
I ask, “Where’s the Beef?” And God says, “I am the Beef.”
