The Last few months have been anything but perfect…(Who knew…Crazy, right?!) But in the last few days I’ve had more answers than I’ve had in the last few nights. Feeling conflicted about The World Race is a common theme in most racers lives… from “when do I go,” or “what rout,” or even “this year?!” The one thing I knew for sure was that I was going to Asia, Just…Not…Right…Now. The doors have slowly been closing and I’ve been kicking and screaming the whole way! I want to go and love on those who don’t feel the love.
This last week I was in Kansas for a wedding. I have had no plans on going back to school and finishing; but in an hour I was getting my application, looking for an apartment, and getting a cross country scholarship. DANG IT!! NOOOOOOOO!!! This is NOT happening. In my heart I truly believed that I was going on the World Race and God said September and Asia. .but He didn’t tell me when. I thought that he said this September…but In the last few days it has been SO clear that that is not God’s plan.
Now I don’t think that I need to explain God and the choice to go back to school, but I do want to give some insight into a REALLY difficult choice. As much as I hate it, I know that God is leading the charge. I wanted to go on the World Race. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to travel and see God’s wonders. I wanted to go to Asia NOW!! If you can’t tell, the last 4 sentences were all “I” statements, and to be clear…it’s not about me. God is calling me back to McPherson, KS. He is telling me to trust him. He wants my obedience, He wants my willingness, He wants my full attention. So after months of focusing on myself, it’s time to refocus on Him. God told me Asia, and I will go…Just not right now.
It hurts to have to watch my team, but I know that they are still my family. They love me and I love them. I will be praying for them and be cheering for them as they embark on the most life changing experience they will have. I love the process, all of the feelings and the hurts and the tears, because I know that my heart is crying out to be in Asia with them. Just, Not Right Now.
I’ve always believed that God answers in three ways. Yes, No, and Not Right Now. It’s clear that I am supposed to be in Asia. It is clear that The World Race is in my future. It’s clear that my race family will be in my life forever. I’m just waiting for my “Yes.” The “yes, you are ready to go.” The “Yes” that will change my life, and I am so looking forward to that “YES!!” Until then, my Father will provide and be sovereign over my heart.
I am so thankful for the last few months and the change that has happened in my heart. The healing, the growing pains, and the deep love that I feel for a God who has nothing but good for me.
To My World Race Squad,
I love you all so much, and I will always be with you. But when Papa speaks…we listen. This is not the end, in fact its just the beginning. The begging of a deep friendship that was no mistake. You have been with me in times of mistakes and growth. You have prayed with me and for me. I will see you all so very soon, that much I know. But I will watch you live out your calling as I finish mine. And when Papa says, “Yes”…I’ll be right with you.
I love you, Boo-things!
Can’t wait to see the hands and feet of this body move.
Namaskar
-Austynsheree
