Earlier this month I had the joy of having my parents visit me in Chiang Mai, Thailand. My family and 17 other families took part in what we call Parent Vision Trip (PVT). PVT is a chance for our parents to get involved and experience what it’s like to do ministry on the Race.
We had the opportunity, as a family, to go to a local temple to chat with monks, spend the afternoon with the local slum children, and participate in bar ministry in the evenings.
I want to celebrate the wonderful things that my parents and I were able to do together but that can be said another time.
I am going to be 100 percent honest; PVT was not easy
For me personally, I had trouble being myself around my parents. I felt like I was reverting back to month 1 Austin. Literally forgetting everything I had learned the past 8 and a half months and being the quiet person that I was before – in reference to my absolute Love for Christ and His purposes in the earth.
I had to have a conversation with my parents. I had to tell them who I was in my past. A past that they had been oblivious to because I was good at not getting caught. I had to come clean.
You see, I have been with the same 38 individuals for the past 8 and a half months. I have told my testimony many times. The vast majority of the squad knows something about my past. Due to the vulnerability with my team and certain individuals, I have been able to walk in complete freedom.
No shame, no guilt, no worry.
Do you get where I am going here?
I didn’t want to do this now. But I have experienced the freedom that comes from vulnerability. I know the Lord is pressing this on my heart to come clean. I know because he told me so. It wasn’t a feeling – it was a command.
I had been praying hard for the opportunity to talk with my parents because I couldn’t get the courage to do it.
Then one morning I was sitting on my parent’s bed and my Dad made a statement, “…a lot of people here have had hard lives.” This is in reference to those that have struggled with drugs, alcohol and sexual relations. And then something along the lines of how you were lucky that those weren’t things that you had to go through.
Are you freaking serious!? Did God just open the door?
Yes, he did.
This is the opportunity that I had been praying for – the opportunity to come clean.
So, with strength from the Lord, I started telling them how I had engaged in sexual relationships, drugs, and drunkenness. How it had been a part of my life and how I had hid it from them.
I felt so relieved after telling my parents who I was. I took full advantage of the situation that was happening and expressed to my parents how I wanted our relationship to be a safe place. A place where I can come to them with anything I am going through.
Don’t get me wrong, y’all, my parents intentions have always been to create a safe place for us to talk about anything. It was my shame and guilt that influenced me to think that it was not a safe place. That my parent’s wouldn’t love me.
Shame and guilt took away years of freedom that I could have experienced with my family. That’s why I say:
Screw shame
Screw guilt
Screw Satan
1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
P.S. Please message me if you are curious about what my Race has been like and what I have learned so far. I don’t like blogging but would love to talk to you if you have any questions.
