Let The Tears Flow

As everything that I once was and loved wages war against my soul, begging me to revert back to the man that I used  to be…………I will battle against such sins, for the things that I used to love are no more a part of who I am…………for the one that I Love now, will always be.
                                                                                             

One of the beautiful things that I love is to weep in the presences of God. Whether it be tears of joy , tears of sadness, or as I sometimes call them, Holy Ghost tears ( just for no reason but the presence of God I begin to tear up). I love soaking in the presence of the almighty and without warning, tears begin to just flow down my face! 

Around December of last year as I was beginning to entertain the thought of applying for this  mission trip, I recall thinking to myself………Austin you hardly ever cry before the Lord anymore ,and then I continued to say to myself, hell forget crying when was the last time you have even felt  the presence of God??? Still somewhat of an infant in the things of the Lord, I was beginning to realize what was going on and how  the entire year of 2008 was the year that I was introduced into spiritual warfare and how hard of a year it was. 2006 the Lord took over this body of mine, 2007 I was filled with spirit and there was countless fruit everywhere I looked. I was living by the streams of living water and I can remember lying on my face with tears soaking in the carpet during my prayer times on a regular basis. I would just be in the manifested presence of the Lord! Then came 2008- the year that the enemy came to do what he does best; kill, steal, and destroy! My eyes became dry, my prayers dull and seldom, God’s word began to collect dust on the coffee table, all the while thoughts and actions began to creep their way back into my life that God had resurrected me from back in 2006.

I can remember so vividly fighting and battling to get back to the place where I was in 2007, to the place where all I wanted was God and the rest of the Worldly things can just go to hell….. As of January this year, the fight was on…………and it was not easy nor was it fun, for how tempting it was to  just give in and stay in the position of backsliding that I found myself in, however……….. I HAVE TASTED THAT THE LORD IS GOOD, and I would not accept anything less than his perfect will in my life. 

Completing the World Race application in January, I was warring on a daily basis, up until training camp in may……….Those five months were not my easiest as so many times I felt as though I just couldn’t enter into the presence of the Lord,  battling many of the things  that was still lingering from 2008!

I remember as if it was yesterday, training camp was almost over and a group of us were in the upstairs portion of the training camp facilities, as we were all receiving prayer for the anointing of the position we were giving for the upcoming year, and the Holy Ghost just fell on me, and finally I began to weep uncontrollably like a baby, and it was the most beautiful things I have ever felt! Oh the sweet sweet presence of the Almighty God. From that day forth the Lord has seen many many tears flow from these eyes!
                                                                         

So here we are in Albania……three months into the race going full speed after the Glory of God, and I can feel the attacks of the enemy on my life again in so many different ways!! As once again old things of the past begin to try and creep its way back into my life, ……..just the other morning as I was on facebook, I began to look at so many old pictures of the people and places where I use to be, and how I use to socialize and I began to relive those nights and women in my head as I begin to just think on those things and how my flesh would love to dwell and revert back to all of what I am no longer………….but the upside to this story is that it is no longer 2008! I now know what is going on ……and though I am no expert in spiritual warfare I know it’s time to fight on my knees…………so I close the door, turn off the light, and fall before the Lord ……..and yes you guessed it ,began to weep unto the Lord, battling ,rebuking ,and resisting while speaking life over myself!! So as I was on my knees I just continued to began to speak unto the Lord and one thing that Sam and I have begun to pray for this year is our future wives, so I began to talk to the Lord about her and one thing I always as, is for the Lord to bring me a woman who will be faithful to me, not just in sexual  way but  will give me a woman, who will not even have it in her to lust after other men…………….and then the Lord spoke to me as he said…… but you are unfaithful to me every day as you lust after other things all the time! ………. If there’s ever a time to let the tears flow …………..there it was!!!

That’s enough to cut one to the heart, as I began to have to chew on those words for some time!  But as I sit back and think about it,

 I can praise God for the fact that ………………………………..

Yes I am weeping in the presence of the lord

Yes I am finding on myself on my face searching for his glory and guidance

Yes I am hearing the Lords Voice