Being a private, introverted, internal processor has served me well my whole life…then I went on The World Race.
Blogging
Expectation: This will be GREAT! I am on a life changing journey, I had a ton of people partner with me to get me here, I can’t really call people, so everyone that’s so excited to know what I’m doing can read all about it on my blog. This blogging thing will be such a breeze the next thing you know I’ll be the next Toni Morrison!
Reality: Just because I’m in a different country doesn’t mean I’m not still a private person. Everyone around me is sharing all these aha God moments. Don’t get me wrong I’m hearing from God regularly but it’s not really that different from when I hear from Him on a daily basis in my normal pre-race life. Every time I had a God thought in the US I didn’t run to tell the world about it. Being on the race isn’t any different. It is terribly challenging for me to share my thoughts, opinions, and life online. That’s just not who I am. I think some how I thought the race would be so different that sharing it would be so easy. But writing blogs requires me to go against everything I feel inside that says to keep it to myself. For example, I spent time with God one morning and some things were put on my heart, I prayed about it, later in ministry the answer I needed showed up. That’s awesome but, that’s also just NORMAL LIFE! How do I make that a blog post? How in the world do I find the transparency to share the things I discuss in my quiet time with God with the world (or the maybe 30 people that read my blog). In this open to the masses, share everything with everybody on Earth world we live in, I don’t think very many people understand my proclivity to privacy. I am working everyday to find the balance in sharing what I’m experiencing with being true to who I am.
Community Living
Expectation: Yes, I’m an introvert and this year will require me to live with 5 other people from my team. That will be a challenge but I’m sure it will stretch me into seeing the beauty of living in community.
Reality: I LIVE WITH 18 OTHER WOMEN! Month 1 there are 3 teams here at Belize base camp. Let me give you a visual. There was one day I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth while someone was in the shower, another person was using the toilet, and someone else was curling her hair. And no, the shower, toilet, sink, and mirror are not in separate rooms. This is only the beginning next month is all squad month where I will be living with 34 other people from my squad plus our leadership team from the US will be there. We will be staying 14 per bedroom. The introvert in me is screaming HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHO YOU ARE! While I am very grateful to have a bed I also value alone time and I greatly value silence and those are two things that are basically non-existent here. Most people are glad we haven’t used our tents yet but I am very excited about the future possibility of zipping closed my little tent door and zipping out the rest of the world. I know I have not done a very good job of being in communication with people from home. I apologize. But, it pretty much takes everything I’ve got just to keep my sanity. Any spare moment we have when other people are calling home I am trying to find a secluded corner to sit in so I can hear myself think. I am trying to find a balance of getting the time for myself that I need to function while not falling off the face of the Earth in terms of communication.
Building Relationships
Expectation: I am going to build incredible lifelong relationships on the race. This 11 months of life will foster the development of great relationships with a tremendous amount of depth.
Reality: Depth requires intimacy. Intimacy requires sharing. Being an internal processor means it’s not my nature to engage others when I’m working through something. I tend to work through problems with deep thought not deep conversations. How do I process through things internally, which is what I need, while allowing others into my journey, which is what relationships need? I don’t have an answer to that yet. But the fact that I’m willing to put it in this blog despite not having processed it fully goes to show that I’m trying to find the balance in it.
Don’t get me wrong, the race is good. But, the race is very much so a challenge. I know I’ll find a balance if I continue to ask God and follow Him. I just haven’t gotten there yet.
VIDEO UPDATE: I record most of my vlog on my phone. Well my handy dandy iPhone has backed up my videos to iCloud and my Wi-Fi signal isn’t strong enough for me to get them to my computer to actually make the videos. Yes I tried a regular cord but all the videos won’t transfer, yes I tried Airdrop, yes I tried Google photo and I have the same Wi-Fi issue, yes I paid for a taxi to take me into town to access better Wi-Fi, it still didn’t work.
I have found a solution. I have to transfer all of my videos from the day to my computer every night before they end up in the black hole that is iCloud. But, there is about a week and a half of footage that is being held hostage at the moment. So, when and if I ever get it back you will be able to see weeks 2 and 3 here in Belize. If not, it was fun… just take my word for it.
