I desperately need to speak freely. But more than speaking freely I need to speak in love. And minute by minute it becomes more apparent to me.
While spreading the word of God and taking Him across the nations is part of what we're doing, we are also learning how to be equipped to love better. And to be honest, it's freaking hard!
We just spent a few days in transition, going from Romania to Moldova, and then three all girls teams joined together to travel to Transnistria (a country that isn't a country in Moldova). And what I noticed most was that travel makes the worst come out in people, it makes it hard to extend grace and spur them on toward God when all you really want to do is tell them to shut up, pay attention, and look on the bright side.
I mean, how can I work at furthering you and your walk in Christ when we are all chopping each other down? What could faith and love look like if we learned how to do it right? Maybe it would look like true fasting.
"Is it not to share your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into your house; when you see the naked, to cover him, and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then shall your light break forth like the dawn, and your healing shall spring up speedily; your righteousness shall go before you:; the glory of the Lord shall be your rear guard. Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; you shall cry, and he will say, 'Here am I.' If you take away the yoke from your midst, the pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, if you pour yourself out for the hungry and satisfy the desire of the afflicted, then shall your light rise in the darkness and your glory be as the noonday. And the Lord will guide you continually and satisfy your desire in scorched places and make your bones strong; and you shall be like a watered garden, like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. And your ancient ruins shall be rebuilt; you shall raise up the foundations of many generations; you shall be called repairer of the breach, the restorer of streets to dwell in." Isaiah 58:7-12
I'm starting to think that true fasting isn't about missing a meal, or leaving the computer screen. That maybe what we need to build community, love people better, and grow closer to God is the fasting of self. To leave yourself and your needs at the back, to find satisfaction in helping others through the outpour of God's love could be the first step to loving someone better.
And right now, I need to call myself out on this, I spent two of those travel days pointing the finger. I saw the faults, the lack of grace, the snide remarks, the inattentiveness, the selfishness, and I saw none of it in me. And it was definitely a lie.
Essentially, today I realized that I was the pointing finger and speaking wickedness. I didn't shine any kind of a light. After realizing this tonight I know that I am not living as God intended me to. I am not living immersed in him, and I need to fix that.
I am living with 20 other women this month and I want to leave all of that behind. I want to help restore these women to the beautiful creatures God created them to be. They are strong, gentle, fierce warriors of God and the love he has to show and they will help bring restoration to the world.
And I know they can't do that if even one of us is pointing the finger, bringing oppression into our midst. So I leave it behind. I shed that. Right now, I begin my fast of self, to learn how to love.
