I don’t often walk around searching for God’s voice. I don’t enter conversations always expecting Him to show up and hit me in the face/tap me on the shoulder/give me a nudge with a revelation. I’m starting to think that I should do that. I should begin each day with an expectancy of His movement. What has brought this revelation? Why, I’ll tell you.
I have a friend who came into my life when I moved back to my hometown about a year-and-a-half ago. This amazing woman of God had been involved with my family for a while though, she worked with the Youth Group of our church with my younger brother and sister. My sister had mentioned her to me, and a mutual friend, and a mentor, and a couple other people, so by the time I finally met Tiffany I already knew that we could get along.
We’ve spent most of our time, trying to get together, trying to grab coffee or go out to dinner, or simply finding five minutes to catch up, and it rarely works out. Conflicting schedules, sudden plan changes, anything that could make us change our plans often does. But when we do manage to get together it is wonderful, an experience of sisterhood, women filled with encouragement for one another and honesty.
A little while ago, we managed to work our schedules out and grab some dinner together. We chatted and caught up on life the drive to dinner and throughout the meal. And then we stayed at the table.
The reason this was so wonderful is that Tiffany and I are currently going through a similar struggle. She is fundraising for a trip to Israel with the church, and I am fundraising, well, for this. Though the amount needed is different and the mission within the journey is different, we are very much in the same part of the struggle.
We both spoke of the struggle of stepping back, giving God opportunity to move in big ways, because we both feel that is part of what He is asking of us. How do you actively wait? What does it look like to be active in finding ways for God to provide, but to wait for Him, His voice, His action, His everything? I spoke to her about the terror I feel for this trip. It’s not that I’ll get hurt or sick, or that I won’t be able to handle travel days, nothing like that. It’s that I’ll give to the trip financially and I’ll give myself completely over to this, spiritually, emotionally, physically, mentally, any kind of -ally I can, and then I’ll wait for God to move, and He won’t. My fear is that I’ve finally said to yes to something and I said yes to the wrong thing. That my lessons won’t be learned by leaving, but by staying.
We talked to each other after we had finished eating for nearly three hours, spending time encouraging each other and speaking our struggles aloud. We affirmed in one another His calling, and His provision, even though it is so hard for us to believe it for ourselves. And this morning, He affirmed it in us. We each had separate devotionals that we shared.
The opening of her devotional was:
“Surrender yourself to the Lord, and wait patiently for him.” (Psalm 37:7a)
Surrendering your life means:
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Following God’s lead without knowing where he’s sending you.
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Waiting for God’s timing without knowing when it will come.
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Expecting a miracle without knowing how God will provide.
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Trusting God’s purpose without understanding the circumstances.
You know you’re surrendered to God when you rely on God to work things out instead of trying to manipulate others, force your agenda, and control the situation. You let go and let God work. You don’t have to always be "in charge." Instead of trying harder, you trust more.
Mine included Psalm 130:
Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord!
O Lord, hear my voice!
Let your ears be attentive
to the voice of my pleas for mercy!
If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared.
I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,
and in his word I hope;
my soul waits for the Lord
more than watchmen for the morning,
more than watchmen for the morning.
O Israel, hope in the Lord!
For with the Lord there is steadfast love,
and with him is plentiful redemption.
And he will redeem Israel
from all his iniquities.
And it carried the repeating phrase “My soul waits for the Lord, more than watchmen in the morning.”
Surrender and wait, two words we often need to be reminded of, but are so difficult to do. And so, that will be my life, my mantra, for the next while. Actively wait, but more than that surrender and wait . . . surrender and wait . . . surrender and wait. It is while those words are repeating over and over again, that I will keep my eyes open, for God will move.
