In two weeks I will be at Training Camp for my World Race.
Seriously?!?
I stil can’t quite wrap my head around that. In 2 weeks all of this will seem so much more real. I will finally get to put faces to names of my squad mates and hear their voices and get to hug them and fellowship with them in real life! I will finally get to go camping like I’ve wanted to for several months now and will finally be able to try out some of my new gear. This is what I’ve been counting down to for the last 3 months! So why am I so terrified??
It hit me hard the other night as I rolled over to go to sleep. As I lay comfortably in my bed, wrapped in my favorite quilt in a room with all of my “stuff” that I’ve gathered over the years I thought “Oh man, TC is in just a couple weeks” and then I smiled. But then I thought “that means launch is only a matter of weeks away after that. I’ll actually be out on the field in Africa or somewhere finally getting to do what I’ve always wanted to.”
That’s when my eyes flew open and the air left my lungs leaving me speechless and afraid.
Can I really do this? Leave my family, friends, and job behind, pack up what little I can carry on my back, drop a peace sign saying “catch ya later America” and just walk away? In my head for so long it seemed that easy. I was excited to go. Ready to go right away.
It’s not that easy. And I’m learning that more and more as these days till TC and launch grow ever closer. As deadlines approach and I see God continue to provide for me in ways I could never imagine the reality of it all is hitting me like a freight train. Even now as I’m sitting on the couch typing this I can feel the doubt creeping in. You can’t do this. You are inadequate. You will fail.
But there is a truth that tears that doubt to shreds. A truth that radiates from my core and I can feel rising inside me like fire. It’s trying to escape without being stifled by the lukewarm lifestyle I so comfortably live in.
I was made for more than this.
So in 2 weeks I will pack up my backpack and fly to TC and meet my squad mates. I will live in an environment of close quarters, weird food, and no electricity for a week with people I don’t know. I will share my burdens with them, pray with them, laugh with them, cry with them, worship with them, love with them, and learn with them. I will have nothing more than what I can carry on my back and an open heart, but as they say, less is more.
This is what I was made for.
