I wrote this late last night when I couldn’t sleep. I hope you all enjoy!
I forgot why I wanted to go on this trip.
It sounds weird saying that because I’ve been talking about it for so long now.
Dreaming, planning, fundraising.
My whole life has begun to revolve around preparing for this 11 month missionary journey. And to be completely honest, until just a few moments ago I had forgotten why I even signed up for this. I’ve been going through the motions and have been lacking in passion for far too long.
But I remember now.
I finally remember the intense desire and deep yearning that once consumed my heart. The need to share the Gospel of Christ that is as natural to my heart as a parched tongue longing for a single drop of water. The need for hope and life that it brings.
I was lying in bed trying to sleep when suddenly my mind was flooded with memories from a chapter of life that feels so long ago. I can see them all now. Platters of food blanketing the tables. Small children running around the room. Laughter filling the air.
Smiling faces accented by the brilliant colors of hijabs against olive skin.
These women, these families – they were my friends. They were my family. At least for a year. They loved me and I loved them all the more.
I don’t think I have ever prayed harder, more passionately, or more fervently for anyone, ever, like I did for these families. Words cannot explain to you the love I had for them and the deep, deep desire and hope I had that they would come to know Jesus.
There’s still time for them.
We may be worlds apart now, but I have to remember it’s not my job alone. It never was. My prayer now is that hopefully seeds were planted through our friendship. That they were able to see Christ through the way I lived my life and tried to love them the best I could. Now it’s somebody else’s turn to take over. To love them and continue pouring into their lives.
Not knowing if I’ll ever see them again hurts. It hurts so much. But I have to hold to the truth that God is who He says He is. He loves them more than I ever could and He is pursuing them more than I will ever be able to. That gives me hope. That is my comfort.
And that is why I’m going on this trip. To once again lay my heart bare and love people unconditionally. Until it hurts. Love them with every ounce of myself while I have the chance.
Because it won’t always be my turn.
1 month.
That’s all I get in each of these countries, with each of these people groups and cultures before it’s somebody else’s turn to come in and take over. Someone else’s turn to water the seeds I’ve planted or harvest the seeds I’ve watered. Who knows.
All that matters is I’ve finally remembered why I signed up for this. Why I said “yes” to God’s command to “Go and make disciples of all nations.”
I’m ready to finally live out my faith in love and share Jesus with the world.
