If there’s one thing I’ve learned on the Race, it’s that we always have more to learn.
We’re never going to know everything. We’re never going to arrive at this place where Jesus has nothing else to teach us.
This truth is both awe-inspiring and daunting.
Sometimes it makes me want to give up because there’s just too much for me improve on. Sometimes it drives me to work so hard trying to grow and look for answers, I miss the fun in the journey.
But most times I let the thought captivate me. My finite mind tries to comprehend an infinite God and it leaves me baffled that He would care so much to continually pursue our relationship.
While I’ve been in the hospital with Katie these past two weeks, I’ve learned so much from watching her interact with her nurses and doctors.
Her injury is a painful one. I don’t even have words to describe it and the pictures I have are too graphic to post… Just trust me, it’s excruciating. And I’ve seen her endure some intense situations as the doctors have changed bandages and cleaned the wound. I’ve even put on gloves and helped the doctors practically perform surgery right in her hospital room (I think I’m about halfway through Cambodian med school…).
It’s painful. It’s traumatic. And I absolutely HATE to see her in such agony. Which is why my first response in many of these situations is to become extremely frustrated.
But then there’s Katie, laying face down on her hospital bed, shedding tears, and she’s the one calming me down. Oops.
One night I found myself beyond frustrated because of the way the doctors came in and changed her bandages. She was in such pain. And while I sat in my frustration, a nurse came in to talk to Katie. Before I knew it Katie mentioned how she believes in Jesus and the nurse was asking us to explain to her who Jesus is. In the midst of my selfish stupor of frustration, I almost didn’t even know what to say.
I realized in that moment that in trying to fight for Katie here in the hospital I’ve kind of been a jerk to everyone else. I’ve been impatient and rude. Full of pride and thinking these nurses and doctors don’t know what they’re doing. I’ve been a terrible witness for Jesus here…
We’ve spent the last week living in an international hospital that serves people from 100+ countries and not once have I taken the opportunity to reach out to the people around me. And here’s Katie, sitting in her hospital bed, wiping away freshly shed tears, and sharing the Gospel.
Isn’t that why we’re out here? How did I miss it? Ugghhh
My heart changed in that moment. How could I have treated anyone like that? I wanted so badly to change every interaction I’d had up to that point. I was afraid that I’d ruined and wasted any chance I had at showing the nurses and doctors the Father’s love.
But once again I have been beguiled by grace.
It’s no surprise to me now that when my heart changed, my interactions with the staff here changed as well. We can laugh and joke. Carry on conversations about nothing in particular.
It’s beautiful.
They don’t see me any differently even though I screwed up. It’s a wonderful reminder of grace and how it covers all our mistakes, no matter how big or small.
