Before I left for the Race I worked at a place in my hometown called PTI which is a school for kids with autism. I loved my job. I loved the vision behind the school, the staff, and more than anything else I loved the kids themselves.
But if I can be honest, I was so ready to leave that job. The semester before I left seemed like the longest one ever and I waited with great anticipation for training camp to roll around and then for launch. I had countdowns and everything. I was restless.
Not because I didn’t enjoy my job, trust me, it was the best. I’ve just always had this feeling I was created to do something great. Something bold and daring. Something seemingly crazy, at least from an outsiders perspective. It’s one of those innate, feel it deep in my bones, to my very core kind of truths I’ve just always known. And working at a brand new start up school for kids with ASD might seem like a great, crazy, daring thing to many people, but it’s not what I’m made to do. At least not forever.
So I was mighty surprised to find myself sitting on top of a mountain in Swaziland last month looking out over the most incredible view my frail eyes could ever behold and still feeling restless. This is supposed to be what I was waiting for. The experience of a lifetime I’ve been yearning for for years. Isn’t this what I was created to do?
It was only month 2, but Swazi was difficult for me. Our whole squad was there, which was an adjustment, and there were so many ministry opportunities to choose from. I felt disconnected from my team and was battling the lack of compassion for the kids we worked with and even just the desire to work with them. So much for going on a mission trip to serve “the least of these.”
With time, prayer, and vulnerability my attitude turned around though. I spent time hanging out and laughing with my team. I loved on my tutoring buddy the best I could and I spent time working in the Baby House with one of the boys who has CP.
I also spent time seeking the Lord and His heart for me. But, yet again, I still had this feeling of restlessness. A feeling like “this can’t be all there is.” A feeling like I was missing something.
Then one day it started to hit me.
The life I was created to live is a radical, completely sold out for the Gospel kind of life. Not one where I behave a certain way around certain groups of people, but a consistent pursuit of the Living God. No matter the cost. No matter other people’s reactions or perspectives. That’s the greatness I was destined for. Not in a way that glorifies my name or my lifestyle, but a greatness that glorifies Jesus and His finished work on the Cross.
This realization is a crucial one, but only half of the coin. The other thing the Lord is teaching me is to enjoy the process. To enjoy this crazy journey He has me on. Not just the Race, but life itself. It’s beautiful and messy. It’s the crazy, daring adventure I’ve been waiting for and it’s happening right now. This very moment.
So here’s to change. Here’s to freely living the radical, sold out life I was created to live and enjoying every step in the process.
