Here I am at the end of month three, empty.
I have nothing, absolutely nothing. No creative ideas, no strategies, no energy – physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. If I were to paint a picture of where I’m at, it would be of me standing. Standing in a field, in the middle of nowhere, no one around me, just standing.
This reminds me of scripture when it talks about when you have done all you can do, stand. I think standing is enough. I don’t know what else to do at this point but to stand. I’m tired and I don’t know how to recover or to refuel, at least in the natural. Nothing in the natural comforts me at this point. There is no bed covered by a down comforter to sleep away my day in, no movie that can take away the reality of life, and no chocolate bar that will satisfy my hunger (believe me I tried, German chocolate is so good!). I’m at the end of myself. Last month I thought I was at the end, but I was wrong so very wrong. Last month I had energy and strength. No strength of my own will sustain me.
I’m not hopeless, far from it. This is a new place that I haven’t found myself at before. There have always been alternatives or distractions to cling to but I’m finding out that they don’t hold any weight. Here is where faith is tested, hope is put into action, and where I stand because that’s all I know to do, its all I have left. My teammate Lucas encouraged me by saying that this is a place that he desires to be at. Wrap your mind around that, wanting to be in a state of having nothing left to offer.
It’s been said that its at the end of yourself that God begins. Although I hope that God has already begun, there’s an excitement that rises up at the possibilities of what He has in store.
Where are you at? Are you living in your own strength? What is God doing in your life? Ready or not, here He comes!
