Before training camp, I knew about team leaders. I wondered if I would be one, especially since I worked at Adventures. I am a leader, I have been a leader, I have been taught how to be a leader. I have had many opportunities to lead. Recently, I’ve been learning how to step back from leadership and let others lead me.
So coming into training camp, that was on my mind. I wasn’t there to try to impress anyone or try to be an amazing leader. I knew that the trainers would pick up on who should or shouldn’t be a leader either way. Even so, that was still on the front of my mind.
Many people expressed how thankful they were for the freedom I have during worship. I dance, I scream, I sing loud, I am free. My squad leader, Melina, came up to me one night and said, “Aubree, I see a rainbow over you of joy and peace. The way you worship with freedom is going to spread to the squad. It’s going to resonate with them, they’ll want it and get it.”
As I processed these words spoken over me, I began to realize what they meant. Although I didn’t feel like I was performing during worship, I did feel people were watching me. I felt like if I decided to sit down and pray or read my bible or just stand there, then something would seem like it was wrong. But that doesn’t matter, what matters is how God is moving me and what he wants me to do. A balance.
During training camp, I wanted to learn something new. I wanted to feel something different, to experience something I hadn’t before. That wasn’t happening. My eyes had already been opened to the Spirit prior to this week.
Joel, my other squad leader, came up to me and spoke to me about leadership. I had been praying about this all week. He said, “Aubree, you are not a leader yet. You will not be a leader until you learn to control your” and he put his hand over my mouth. “You can’t be a leader until you control that. You have to lead by your heart. You are not a leader yet, but you are becoming one.”
I don’t think it’s what I say that I need to control. I am not sure what he meant about controlling my mouth, but I do know that when I am able to lead by my heart, there will be complete different in my life. It’s not about performance, the doing or not doing. It’s about the freedom we have to do or not do when God is leading us. It’s a balance.
